Perk up your ears and notice how often you hear yourself say "I'm so stupid." Most of us do it without consciousness. But there's a Self inside us that deserves recognition—one that wants a deep and meaningful conversation with us, like we do with a life partner. When we call the Self "stupid," we steal its ability to grow and learn. "Stupid" is not a real thing—it's an excuse to not be conscious and not do the work.

When kids are young, we love to tell them what not to do. Research shows that an average toddler hears the word “no” around 400 times a day! A more conservative study estimates the number at 8,395 per year, or an average of 23 per day. Whichever study you choose to believe, it’s evident we LOVE to say no, don’t, and can’t to our kids. And that’s not a good thing.

What do you give a woman who has everything? Perhaps, a ball of dough? I grudgingly admit that I am a terrible gift receiver. I worked in the 'material' world for so long that more 'things' just make me anxious, not happy. Like so many of you in my community, I have never wanted for anything material.

Last night, my daughter was having a tough time. She was angry at herself and stuck in a cycle of rumination over a totally innocent mistake she had made. In last week’s blog I wrote about the value of reflection and how experience without reflection does not lead to the kind of learning that sticks—that thing we call wisdom. But rumination is totally different from reflection. 

If you describe yourself as driven, high-achieving and ambitious, you've probably drunk the Kool-Aid—and you're dealing with a hangover that never seems to go away. After four decades of chasing "more, faster, better," I discovered the hard way that this path doesn't lead to success. It leads to burnout. This is what I learned about the counterintuitive damage of endless ambition, and how "enough" is actually a decision—not a feeling.

Conviction is the ability to be so staunch about an idea that it causes you to reject anything that is not that idea. Most of us are deathly afraid to have conviction. We fear being called radical or ignorant. We don't want to lose followers or offend. But people with solid convictions make a difference in the world. To have conviction is to decide who you are, what you're doing, and where you're going—and keep that stake in the ground at all costs.

Do you belong? I don’t! At least not until fairly recently in my life. You see, although I don’t present as one, I am naturally more of an introvert. Additionally, for reasons mostly of my own creation and external circumstances like escaping Iran at a delicate age and immigrating to a country with a wildly different culture, I found myself to be “unfittable” in any societal box.

What if becoming more knowledgeable doesn't lead to fulfillment and success? Knowledge and wisdom are different—knowledge is gained by consuming information, wisdom through testing that information through action. Information does not naturally lead to transformation. True, life-changing transformation is an internal shift, and it's always driving with wisdom, not knowledge.

I absolutely love my work and I'm more energized after 8-9 hours of coaching sessions. But burnout is more often the result of an emotional challenge rather than a physical one. Two main culprits present most often: the belief that our work is not meaningful, or that we are not appreciated. Most relationships end because of resentment rather than all the other reasons we convince ourselves of. And resentment starts with expectations.

Whoever coined the phrase “it’s the thought that counts” was likely trying to make themselves feel better about disappointing someone due to a half-hearted attempt or one simply not taken at all. Nobody ever meant it when they let us off the hook by saying it’s the thought that counts when we didn’t make that call, write that note, or send that check.

For so many of us, the first emotion reading about Ruth Bader Ginsburg's accomplishments is jealousy and envy. Without awareness, we shift to wanting to "do more" or surrendering to feeling "not good enough." An epidemic of women feel they can never do enough—while working, managing households, raising children, and caring for aging parents. What are fulfilled women doing differently?

A great Coach isn't smarter, more knowledgeable, or necessarily even more experienced than her greatest client. She's in charge of the coaching process, not in control of the outcome. This is the distinction that is life—changing if understood and practiced regularly—the difference between being in control and being in charge. So many of us live with constant stress and anxiety because we are trying to control every element of our days.

At least once a week, I'm approached by someone eager to create a career as a Professional Coach. Before you invest time and money in certification programs, here are twelve hard truths about what it really takes to build a thriving coaching practice—and the non-negotiable qualities you'll need to succeed.

A very long time ago, Julius Caesar said, “Ut est rerum omnium magister usus” which roughly translates to—experience is the best teacher. And we’ve since repeated this “truth” a gazillion times—to ourselves, our children and anyone who is willing to listen. But is this actually “the truth” or a pithy quote we’ve made conveniently “true” to soothe the pain of negative life experiences?

We're told there's a loneliness epidemic, worsened by social distancing. But most of us don't understand the difference between loneliness and solitude. Loneliness is sadness from having no company—solitude is the state of being alone. The subtle yet powerful difference? We feel loneliness happens to us, but solitude is something we control. Those who cultivated solitude before COVID were far more comfortable in their own company when faced with isolation.

Last week's "Shit I Don't Have Time For" list touched more hearts than I expected. But there's a reason this list is so powerful: it's not new information, it's the deepest knowing in your soul that's been patiently waiting for authentic self-acceptance. Once you've gathered the courage to declare it, you won't forget it. Part two of this exercise—creating your list of "Things Worth Doing"—is where the real magic happens.

"What should I do?" is the phrase Professional Coaches hear most often. High achievers believe they should solve all their challenges by themselves and solve problems for everyone around them too. But this belief is unproductive and even damaging. We cannot see the whole system when we are inside of it. A Professional Coach doesn't offer solutions—she asks powerful questions that illuminate the underlying and often hidden beliefs you're carrying around.

If you regularly beat yourself up because you continue to do or say things you know are not good for you—just stop! You're actually being completely normal. Nothing is wrong, broken, or self-sabotaging about you. If you heard "To know better is to do better" and decided something is wrong with you because you know better but aren't doing better, keep reading. I'll share why knowing and doing are not related.

Many of us are energized to set new goals during this time of year, but staying invested in them is another story. I don't love the middle. Working with more folks than I ever imagined, I can report I'm far from the only person with this problem. One primary mind shift changed everything: insight—not information—is the non-negotiable starting point for taking new actions. Once we understand our why, remembering every day is our only commitment.

How often have you heard, "Life is short"? Here's the thing. If we don't meet an untimely death, if we are fortunate enough to be given a life past our 80's, then life is actually pretty long. Playing the long game is smart, but it is also the only game we should be playing. Life is a game meant to be a long one. And like any other game, a good life has rules that support our ability to play well.