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Band-Aid Coaching?

coaching Jul 29, 2021

Shifts, shifts, shifts.  The work of Professional Coaching is all about facilitating long-term sustainable shifts - which is entirely different than tricks, hacks and shortcuts.

 

I noticed a false and disheartening belief, (originally) in myself while being coached, and now, often within my clients.  So many of us wrongly assume habits that have been nurtured and cultivated for decades can be undone in weeks or even in one moment - if only we could learn how!  So we consume endless books, articles and podcasts - and we are in a perpetual search for the one guru, Coach, or therapist who can just give us the answer that will change our life around.  We confuse information with transformation and wonder why we’re becoming more informed but not more at ease.

 

To give you a clearer idea of these tricky patterns, let me share a few of the damaging ones I regularly come across in my work with high-performing clients.  These patterns create...

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Courage Is A Verb

communication Jul 22, 2021

“Courage” is a word I think about often. Maybe because it’s a word I hear several times a day in my coaching conversations.

 

It’s one of the unique aspects of this work - the work of creating change and transformation - that folks inevitably come to believe courage is a requirement. I certainly thought so, and held back from taking even the smallest step towards change, because I assumed that I was just not a courageous person.

 

I thought courage meant bravery. I thought courage meant taking some big outward action that was impactful and made the world a better place. I thought courage was a badge bestowed upon people like Rosa Parks, NASA astronauts, and Bear Grylls! It’s embarrassing to admit how far I am in both temperament and action from any of these magnificent humans. I’m practically afraid of everything - heights, speed, moths, outer space, jail, rainforests, the ocean… the list is shamefully long.

 

But do outward...

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Being In Control vs. Being In Charge

mindset Jul 15, 2021

A great Coach isn’t smarter, more knowledgeable, or necessarily even more experienced than her greatest client.

 

A great Coach is deliberately on the road to mastering her craft and is in charge of the coaching process, not in control of the outcome.  This is the truth that I had to come to terms with, on the path to becoming a Professional Coach who is devoted to serving my clients.  In the process, I learned a distinction that is life-changing, if understood and practiced regularly - the difference between being in control and being in charge.

 

So many of us live with constant stress and anxiety because we are trying to control every element of our days.  Whether it’s our health, business, or relationships, we operate from the false belief that we are in control of the outcome - if we only have more knowledge, hire the right people, yell loud enough, manipulate more, and a myriad of other actions - we believe will get the result we...

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Who Coaches Me?

leadership Jul 08, 2021

As a Professional Coach, my job is pretty simple.  I didn’t say it’s easy - but it’s simple.  I find out what my clients want to change or create in their lives, I help them identify and remove the obstacles to the goal, and I help them take effective actions and stay accountable.

 

Voila. Now go do it yourself.

 

Personally, I’d rather do it with my own Professional Coaches, because even when I have full clarity on my goals, removing the obstacles is one hell of an on-going job.  I have so many blind spots, and strange limiting thoughts and beliefs that are hiding in the nooks and crannies of my mind.  I need help pulling them out and looking at them in the bright light of unconditional honesty that my Coaches shine on them.

 

I’m privileged to work with two Coaches, Asiya and Siawash.  Asiya holds space like no one I’ve ever met, and in that container, I’m able to uncover my deepest fears and move to...

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Save The Tuition

life integration Jul 01, 2021

One of the most cherished 90 minutes of my week is when I get together with my group of soulful, bright, and growth-minded clients who are all under 40. We don’t have a curriculum or agenda, yet the learnings are abundant and the insights are life-changing.

 

The beauty of good professional coaching is that we don’t have to be personally coached to see our challenges and struggles unfold, and potentially solved, by observing the skillful coaching of another person.  This group has a special place in my heart because they are still climbing their First Mountain, and I know for certain that there is a way for them to experience life with more ease, serenity, and skill than most of us do in our first half of life.

 

Most humans want the feeling of belonging to a pack, while at the same time expressing their own uniqueness. We confuse being unique with having to reinvent the wheel. We waste so much time experiencing and learning lessons that others have done...

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My Family of Choice

transformation Jun 25, 2021

Tomorrow at 5:00 am, I’ll be crying.  I know this for sure.  Tomorrow, in the hush of the early morning hour, a group of a few hundred regular people from all walks of life, cultures and countries will start a 100-mile journey on foot that will bring them face-to-face with every part of themselves.  They will voluntarily put their body, mind and soul to arguably one the greatest tests of their lives. The Western States Endurance Run is the oldest 100-mile race in the United States.  Antonio Rossman who ran the race in 1986, wrote this about it:

 

“A shotgun blast precisely on the hour will send us westward along the Western States Trail, 19,000 feet up, 21,000 feet down, and 100 miles in distance. Our goal: to traverse the Sierra Nevada and the mighty canyons of the American River, arriving in the Gold Rush town of Auburn, in under 24 hours. Our ostensible reward: the most coveted emblem of the endurance athlete, and symbol of the world’s...

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Be Complete, Not Perfect

life integration Jun 22, 2021

Perfect is a moving target, that’s if it’s even a thing. We are so quick and nonchalant in peppering our everyday conversations with the word “perfect”.  That was a perfect meal.  My son is a perfect student.  I want the perfect relationship.  Most of us were raised to be perfectionists, and were educated in schools that publicly rewarded the students who achieved the highest grades.

 

All this would be fine if we also taught our kids the dictionary meaning of perfection, and then let them decide if they want to pursue that path for the rest of their lives.  Look it up for yourself, and you’ll be amazed by how extreme and results focused the definitions are. Some definitions that stood out for me are, as good as it is possible to be, faultless, flawless, and without equal. Thankfully, some wise person also added, “too good to be true”, but that one is easily lost amongst all the other shiny words like:...

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Graduation Advice To My Younger Self

parenting Jun 17, 2021

It’s graduation season and I’m sharing a blog I wrote last year when my own son was graduating high school.  One year later, I asked him what 3 pieces of advice he would give his past self - his answers are at the bottom.

 

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My son is graduating from high school.  I’ve raised him the best I knew up to this point, but on the threshold of manhood, I felt that he needed some male advice, in addition to whatever wisdom I’ve shared thus far.

 

So I did what I always do when I need advice, help and support.  I go to my clients.  My clients are so amazing, that if I had to pay them (instead of the fortunate reverse), there wouldn’t be enough dollars in the world to match the value of their wisdom and heart.

 

I asked my male clients this question, “If you could travel back in time but knew what you know now, what is the number one piece of advice you would give to your 19 year old self?” ...

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Don't Go Breaking My Heart

communication Jun 10, 2021

One of my favorite coaches, authors, and all around humans, Jason Goldberg, says this about Professional Coaches, “We are in the PR business - permission and reminders!” Boy, is that true, and one reason I know I will have a Coach by my side for as long as the universe allows me!

 

Kids generally don’t feel the need to ask for permission until adults teach them the concept, and most make it a life requirement. We often take this belief that we need permission from “adults” in our own lives, and feel a measure of shame about it. We feel ashamed because our conscious mind says, “Come on, grow a pair, you’re a big girl now, you don’t need anyone’s permission.” But our subconscious mind, which data shows is the actual driver of our actions, says, “I don’t know if I’m allowed. What if I fail and I’m blamed, humiliated, shamed, etc.?”

 

And we are not wrong.

 

In my work, I’m...

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Life is Long

life integration Jun 03, 2021

 

How often have you heard, “Life is short”?

 

Here’s the thing.  If we don’t meet an untimely death, if we are fortunate enough to be given a life past our 80’s, then life is actually pretty long.  Playing the long game is smart, but it is also the only game we should be playing.  Every game has its own unique rules.  These are rules that allow players to engage with others and get the most out of the game.  Rules create a framework around the game, so players can achieve mastery and enjoyment.

 

Life too, is a game, and it’s meant to be a long one.  And like any other game, a good life has rules that support our ability to play well - to play like a pro.  Sadly, life is not taught in school alongside math, history, and science.  We are expected to pick up lessons and understand the rules, either by accepting our parents’ version of them, or learning through our own hard earned...

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