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My Family of Choice

transformation Jun 25, 2021

Tomorrow at 5:00 am, I’ll be crying.  I know this for sure.  Tomorrow, in the hush of the early morning hour, a group of a few hundred regular people from all walks of life, cultures and countries will start a 100-mile journey on foot that will bring them face-to-face with every part of themselves.  They will voluntarily put their body, mind and soul to arguably one the greatest tests of their lives. The Western States Endurance Run is the oldest 100-mile race in the United States.  Antonio Rossman who ran the race in 1986, wrote this about it:

 

“A shotgun blast precisely on the hour will send us westward along the Western States Trail, 19,000 feet up, 21,000 feet down, and 100 miles in distance. Our goal: to traverse the Sierra Nevada and the mighty canyons of the American River, arriving in the Gold Rush town of Auburn, in under 24 hours. Our ostensible reward: the most coveted emblem of the endurance athlete, and symbol of the world’s...

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Becoming A Deliberate Something

I’m often asked how I became an ultrarunner, and the short answer is, “One step at a time”.  The deeper answer has something to do with loss and humility.

I started running in my teens as a means to an end.  Whether that end goal was to lose weight, produce positive endorphins, or just clear my head, running was an activity I did solely for the result. It was something to be won and done before I could start or see my day as complete. 

I applied my “hard-charging and no prisoners” mindset to running as equally as I did to the rest of my daily activities.  Although I got the proverbial job done, I was often less than present and deliberate in the doing.  I ran an average of 4 miles a day - enough to call myself a runner - but I was rarely connected to my body when I did it.  Running was a transaction for me. 

Until it wasn’t. 

Like so many others have experienced, I started to feel strange and new pains in my...

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Harvest the Wisdom of Life During COVID

“Slow down” is a phrase I can legitimately say my long-time clients are sick of hearing.  What they don’t realize, is that it’s a message to me, even more than it is to them.  It’s true that slowing down is the most valuable skill and practice I offer to my clients, but it’s like the biggest onion ever; we keep peeling the layers and still, there’s more.

 

I’m in my 50s, and still catch myself wanting to go fast, yet I intentionally bring myself back to the moment.  I do this because I know that the value I’m trying to create, the impact I want to have, and the experience I cannot wait to enjoy can only be done right if I do it with presence and purpose; and we cannot step into either of those states of being when we are rushing.  I know this to be very true.

 

After all these years of practice, this is the first thought that comes to my mind when I open my eyes in the morning:...

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The "Shit I Don't Have Time For" List

transformation Feb 04, 2021

I’m 55 - a declaration that in and of itself, feels like a radical act.  Compounded with the fact that I'm a woman, and a single woman at that - well, it almost feels inappropriate to say out loud.

 

Most of us, men and women alike, have been raised and accustomed to basing our actions that over time, create the landscape of our life, on the benchmarks of success “society” dictates.  Underlying most of the rules, is the spoken and often silent belief that time is running out - more so for women than men.  For women, it begins with our love-ability, marriageability, biological clock, and the ultimate demon: wrinkles on the freakin’ forehead!

 

As a woman who has passed through all those gates of hell and has survived to tell, as well as a Professional Coach who regularly works with men and women in their 40’s and older, I feel pretty qualified to share my greatest weapon against this harmful, completely unhelpful, and arguably...

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To Feel List

mindset transformation Nov 19, 2020

A strange and different kind of year is coming to an end, and oddly, most of us are experiencing the same pre-holiday stressors as we do during any other “normal” year.  For a year that was seemingly “cancelled”, we sure have a lot to get done, right?

 

What this tells us, if anything, is that feelings of overwhelm and “being swamped” are just that, feelings.  Feelings may feel like facts, but they’re not.  Feelings are created by our thoughts, and our thoughts - as solid as they seem - are simply our personal meaning-making practice.  We confuse our thoughts with facts, and then velcro ourselves to those thoughts as though anyone in our shoes would think and consequently, feel the same way.  We label ourselves and others, and move on as though the conviction of our thoughts have somehow moved to the arena of “truth”.

 

It is my experience that there are very few absolute “truths” in...

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Get Off The Bicycle!

What’s the state of your Life Buckets?  When was the last time you checked to see how empty or full each one is?

 

One of the first exercises I introduce my clients to, is the process defining your 3-4 Life Buckets.  Once we identify our Core Life Values (a separate exercise), we can then decide on the areas of our life that are of priority.  Will it be Fun/Enjoyment, Philanthropy, Career, Parenting, Intimate Relationship, Health, etc., ...?  The list goes on, but the Buckets don’t.  It’s imperative that we choose no more than 4, as difficult as it may be.

 

We do this because the biggest robber of our time and attention - the only true capital we have - is the lack of awareness and commitment about what matters most to us.  Jim Collins, the author of “Good To Great”, states that “If you have more than three priorities, you have no priorities.”  It’s the same with Life Buckets.  Any...

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How To Know If You Are a Fierce or a Selfless Giver

coaching transformation Nov 06, 2020

My blog, “Don’t Be a Selfless Giver”, elicited more questions than answers from my readers.  Every day, I receive more emails asking me to dig deeper into the distinctions I identified.  The questions run the gamut from, “How do I know if I’m a Matcher or a Giver?”, to “How can I be sure that I’m a Fierce, and not a Selfless Giver?”.

 

If you’re someone who loves scientific data and evidence, pick up Adam Grant’s brilliant book, “Give and Take”, where he masterfully parses the qualities inherent to each tendency.  My clients and readers generally look to me as the person who takes in all the information and distills it into a form that is (I hope) useful to them.  I invite you to keep that in mind as you continue to read.

 

I was born with a superpower; I was naturally a Fierce Giver.  My earliest childhood memories are those of playing all out.  I held nothing back,...

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You're Killing My Soul!!

“You’re killing my soul!”, I whined to my Coach, more than once.  You’d think he was asking me to take action that put my life at risk.  What he was asking me to do - repeatedly, and time after time - was to block time in my calendar for all the things that matter to me, and then honor my calendar.  It seems like an easy enough request and really, what was at risk?  Seemingly nothing.  But why all the pushback and the drama?

 

Today, when my incredibly responsible clients show the same reaction to this seemingly easy request, I can relate.  I’ve been there.

 

When we behave in a way that seems somewhat irrational; when we refuse to do something that looks easy enough on the surface; when we create all kinds of drama around it (you’re killing my soul accompanied by the smallest violin on earth!); these are clues that the act is pushing against one of our core life values.

 

A value is a way of being or...

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Good Enough or Not Good Enough For You?

parenting transformation Sep 11, 2020

Perfect is a moving target, that’s if it’s even a thing. We are so quick and nonchalant in peppering our everyday conversations with the word “perfect”.  That was a perfect meal.  My son is a perfect student.  I want the perfect relationship.  Most of us were raised to be perfectionists, and were educated in schools that publicly rewarded the students who achieved the highest grades.

 

All this would be fine if we also taught our kids the dictionary meaning of perfection, and then let them decide if they want to pursue that path for the rest of their lives.  Look it up for yourself, and you’ll be amazed by how extreme and results focused the definitions are. Some definitions that stood out for me are, as good as it is possible to be, faultless, flawless, and without equal. Thankfully, some wise person also added, “too good to be true”, but that one is easily lost amongst all the other shiny words like:...

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Knowing and Doing are Not Related

transformation Sep 03, 2020

If you regularly beat yourself up because you continue to do or say things you know, for a fact, are not good for you and don’t serve you - just stop! Don’t beat yourself up, you’re actually being completely normal.

 

 

Nothing is wrong, broken or self sabotaging about you.  You don’t suck because you’re unable to do the “right” thing, even though you know the right thing to do.  If you, like me, heard the saying, “To know better is to do better”, and decided that something is wrong with you because you know better but you’re not doing better, keep reading and let me share why knowing and doing are not related.

 

Gaining more information leads to more knowledge; a worthy and beautiful thing in and of itself.  Being knowledgeable allows us to be more interesting, smart, and useful to others.  We have so much to share, and there are not enough hours in the day to dispense all of the...

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