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5 Reasons for the Quarter Life Crisis

If you’re not yet familiar with the concept of Quarter Life Crisis, you’re not alone. It’s also likely that you are not a Millennial.

As a Professional Coach, a number of my clients are emerging adults. Generally between the ages of 18 and 25, they are facing some very real challenges as they transition from school and living at home to living independently and building careers.

It irks me when I hear the “older” generation (mine) assigning adjectives like lazy, entitled or confused to describe this group of what I know to be generally ambitious, conscientious, and hard working young adults.

To be sure, they are different from us, but no more than we are different from our parents’ generation. One significant and life altering difference is that they are not waiting until mid life to have that all too familiar crisis. They don’t want to wait till 45 to do what they can do at 25;  to ask (and answer) the life-defining questions that are...

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Who Coaches Me?

leadership Jul 08, 2021

As a Professional Coach, my job is pretty simple.  I didn’t say it’s easy - but it’s simple.  I find out what my clients want to change or create in their lives, I help them identify and remove the obstacles to the goal, and I help them take effective actions and stay accountable.

 

Voila. Now go do it yourself.

 

Personally, I’d rather do it with my own Professional Coaches, because even when I have full clarity on my goals, removing the obstacles is one hell of an on-going job.  I have so many blind spots, and strange limiting thoughts and beliefs that are hiding in the nooks and crannies of my mind.  I need help pulling them out and looking at them in the bright light of unconditional honesty that my Coaches shine on them.

 

I’m privileged to work with two Coaches, Asiya and Siawash.  Asiya holds space like no one I’ve ever met, and in that container, I’m able to uncover my deepest fears and move to...

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Is Help a 4 Letter Word?

Growing up and well into adulthood, “How do I make it happen??”, was the question I asked myself most often.  I was raised and also had an inclination to be independent, resourceful and high achieving.  Bars were not set low in my family, and I not only accepted that life view but took it to a higher level because (for whatever reason) what was good enough for others, had to be broken apart and reimagined by me.  Not me and others like me, but me alone.  If I couldn’t achieve, create, or solve something by myself, then it wasn't worth attempting.  It was the tree falling in the forest analogy playing out in my life continuously.  If I didn’t do it all by myself, then do I really deserve any credit for it at all? 

Decades later, David Whyte’s words of wisdom helped me understand the belief that I should be figuring things out entirely on my own, is not unique to me. “Help is strangely something we want to do...

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Is Failure the Opposite of Success?

A dear and wise client of mine, Jo, sent me a text last night with a seemingly simple question.  She asked, “How do you define success?”

I read this text at the end of a day that felt like anything but successful.  I had failed to finish a 50-mile race that I had trained for with great commitment and dedication.   As a Coach who helps clients clarify their singular and unique definition of success and then partner with them in creating a road map to achieving their goals, I know all about this process.  I understand the difference between intention and commitment, as well as the difference between saying what we want and doing the work that is required to make it happen.  But here’s the thing; sometimes it’s just not our day.  Shit happens that is out of our control, and we don’t get what we want (for now).  Is that a failure? I say yes. It’s a failure in that we fell short of our goal. But failure, as...

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Surrender is a Wormhole

I come from a family of high achievers. My work as a Life and Leadership Coach has me in constant conversation with leaders who would proudly carry this label.  But in pushing the borders of exploring what it means to live a happy life, it has become clear to me that being a high achiever is no longer a badge of honor or a marker of life satisfaction.

Achievement by its nature is about doing.  As a Coach, I am committed to helping my clients create sustainable action plans to reach their desired goals.  I also help them stay on the path that has them knowing they are moving in the right direction, no matter how long it takes.  Naturally “doing” is a big part of this work.

Except sometimes “doing” is not what is required at critical moments. For those of us who were raised to be “doers” at any cost, the answer to any dilemma is always “do more”.  But what happens when we hit a wall, and deeply feel - whether...

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Niche Rhymes with Quiche

coaching leadership Mar 19, 2021

“What’s your niche?”, is a question I’m asked often by folks who are curious to learn more about coaching, and by other Coaches who are interested in working with me.

 

My short and often unsatisfying response is, “My niche is humans.”

 

It’s not that I don’t understand the value of differentiating myself and my expertise. And let’s not forget that I cultivated my professional self and learnings for decades, in the world of luxury branding where marketing their niche is considered business 101. Most professional coaching schools will train you as a coach, and devote a good portion of their curriculum to teaching aspiring coaches how to build their business by deciding on a niche and marketing it aggressively.

 

If this system of business creation works, why is the average global Professional Life Coach salary only $47,000? Not exactly below the poverty line, but certainly in the lowest income category according to...

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Life Coaching is Not Hourly Work

Life Coaching continues to be mystifying to most.  It certainly was to me, until the previous decade of my life.  Folks don’t understand the difference between Coaching and therapy, as well as the myriad of other methods that exist within the space of human potential.  And because Coaching is a fast-growing field with a low barrier to entry, there is an understandable measure of skepticism that it faces.

 

One of my larger life goals is to bring legitimacy to the field of Life Coaching and contribute to the public understanding of this profession as being valid, valuable, and just as necessary as any other profession like law, medicine, or sports.  I do this in two ways - by building a thriving Coaching business that speaks for itself, and by devoting an extraordinary number of my working hours to demonstrating what Coaching is.  Notice I said demonstrating and not speaking about the benefits.  When we try to explain what something is,...

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Don't Be A Selfless Giver

I’m a thief - an excellent one - but still, a thief.  I have no new ideas.  Everything I know, everything I teach, coach and write about, I’ve gained by being fully present to others’ wisdom.  I used to think that I need to come up with novel ideas, talks, and teachings, but in the last decade, I’ve changed my mind.

 

Why should I torture myself to create a new idea or judge myself as “not creative” if I’m not the inventor of a concept, when so much valuable knowledge, information and wisdom already exists?  Those of you who are in my coaching community have heard me repeat often, that knowing and doing are not related.  We know this through scientific evidence, but also by looking at our own lives. 

 

I was terrific at gaining knowledge for the first 5 decades of my life, but it wasn’t until I gained the understanding of how to use that knowledge to transform my day to day life, that I began to...

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Four Practices for Leaders in Times of Crisis

When in a crisis, leaders are at risk of either under-reacting or over-reacting.

When under-reacting, we are showing minimal empathy, are overly optimistic and downplay the situation.

When over-reacting, we are experiencing constant high threat, catastrophizing, and creating panic in others.

The right mindset is that of being “adaptive”, best described by The Stockdale Paradox, which Jim Collins referenced in his seminal work, Good to Great, arguably one of the most important books on leadership and business ever written.  The Stockdale Paradox is named after James Stockdale, former vice presidential candidate, naval officer and Vietnam prisoner of war. The main gist of the idea is that we need to balance realism with optimism.  In short, we need to have an unshakable belief in eventual success, combined with a deep acceptance of the harsh current reality.

The main qualities we exhibit when we are coming from an adaptive mindset is the ability to maintain calm...

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The Privilege of Being Still

“I’m enjoying the privilege of being still,” said my client effortlessly, as though this is a common belief and these words are part of our collective lexicon.

Well, you could have knocked me over my coaching perch with a feather!

With due respect and understanding for the challenges of this moment, I’d like to share some of the learnings my clients are gaining and sharing with me during our coaching conversations.  The quotes are directly from them and and as always, I hope these insights will serve and inspire you to live life with just a little more joy and ease. 

 

  1.  I’m starting to question whether so many work meetings were necessary or even productive.  I’ll be looking at that part of our work with fresh eyes when things go back to normal.

  2. Why did I have such a problem with working (at least) one day a week from home?  I’m now doing it 5-6 days a week and am no less productive, and much more creative.

    ...
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