I Was a First-Class Drunk for Upwards of Four Decades!
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If you describe yourself as driven, high-achieving, and ambitious, then you’ve probably drunk the Kool-Aid. If you’re in your late thirties or older (depending on when you started drinking full out), you’re dealing with a hangover that never seems to go away.
Life and all its ambassadors—parents, teachers, and society—make us believe that doing more, doing it faster, and doing it better than others is the key to lifelong success.
More, faster, and better is the special flavor of Kool-Aid that driven folks consume endlessly even when we are on our knees and vomiting.
I should know since I was a first-class drunk for upwards of four decades! I started young.
Perform the role of the Shah’s flower girl at 7 years—Check!
Skip sixth grade—Check.
Lie to the US government to get a social security card and get a job at 14—Check.
Start working as a stockperson at Ann Taylor at 14—Check.
Open my first business at 16—Check.
The only life event I didn’t rush into was becoming a parent. In truth, destiny had a lot to do with the timing of that decision, and I’m pretty sure that, left to my own devices, I would have fast-tracked it as well. But thank God for that because parenting has turned out to be the most important work of my life!
What I know now that I didn’t know then is that the path to peace, ease, and prosperity is not paved by doing more, doing it faster, and doing it better than others.
That’s called hustling, not living.
Think about it. More, faster, and better is a finite game.
“More” is a moving target, and if you’re in my community, you already have at least a theoretical understanding of this truth. Here’s how the counterintuitive damage of “more” shows up in real life.
We have the money, title, and recognition we were once certain would indicate success, but now realize the goalpost has moved. So we keep striving.
Our to-do lists never end, which is understandable, but we are missing the most critical lists, like a “to experience” or “to create” list. And we’re not even considering the most important one, the “Not-to-do” list!
We don’t take the time to decide our definition of “enough”. We think enough is a feeling, but the truth is that enough is a decision.
We are stuck with beliefs that start with, “I would be successful, if only I had more…” Complete the thought with money, hours, support—really anything that we’ve convinced ourselves more of will unlock ultimate success.
So if “more” is a dead end, what about “fast”?
Going faster is only useful if we are in an athletic race and aiming to stand on the podium. If we are not elite athletes, going faster is counterproductive and, frankly, unintelligent on so many levels. For those of us who care, it’s also not a good look.
Think of the Ferrari driver who guns his engine down Wilshire Blvd, making lots of noise but ultimately ends up waiting at the same red light as the rest of us! Yep, not a good look.
We’re all going to the same place, and the joke’s on the person who rushes to that destination only to find out that they missed the journey entirely.
Finally, what about striving to be “better”? Surely a Professional Coach must be a devotee of doing it better, right?
Yes and no.
If our definition of doing it better is based on other people’s actions, then we are creating the conditions for a life of comparison, imitation, and envy.
Oooof! We’ve all been there, and it’s its own kind of hell!
But if doing it better means aiming to improve areas like communication, relationships, and business a little more than how we were doing them a year, a day, or even an hour ago, then “better” takes on a whole new, inspiring, and impactful meaning.
Better than others is an endless hustle. Better than my past self is energizing and worth every effort.
Here’s my 4-step heuristic for actually creating a successful life—a life that will not be devoid of our personal share of challenges, tragedies, and griefs, but will nevertheless feel purposeful.
Do less but better.
Slow down your thinking to speed up your results.
Do life just a tiny bit better than yesterday.
Focus on your Life Buckets relentlessly and at the exclusion of all else.
These four personal rules may seem simple, but they are not easy to practice consistently. Invest in whatever work with whomever you feel can get you there, but don’t convince yourself that you need to do it by yourself.
Everyone you admire for their ability to live a conscious and purposeful life has achieved it by allowing themselves to work with someone who is a bit ahead on the path and can light the way forward.
