The Power of Creating a Joy List
Last week in The Wisdom Circle, my private coaching group of extraordinary women, we explored joy.
So many of us confuse joy with happiness. Let me explain.
Happiness is a state of being.
Joy is an emotion created in any given moment through an action.
No quick fix or Instagram preacher can get us to happiness immediately.
Happiness takes work, commitment and time.
Joy, on the other hand, can be created at any moment by checking our handy “Joy List” and taking action on one or more of the things that immediately make us feel good.
Listen, I’m not talking about the kind of pleasures that have negative consequences. I’m talking about those things that always make us feel good—if we allow them to.
Here (in no particular order) are a few items on my Joy List:
Delicious healthy food
Barefoot beach walks
The sun on my skin
Spending time with my children
A steaming hot Epsom salt bath
Holding a newborn in my arms
Luxury hotel beds
Mischief
Instagram dog reels
Time on trails
Eating foods I’ve bought at a Farmers Market
My morning latte ceremony
Swimming in Lake Tahoe
Laughter at inappropriate times
Flirting
Holding hands
Radical generosity
The first few seconds after waking up when I realize that I’m still here!
What’s on your’s?
What if becoming more knowledgeable doesn't lead to more fulfillment and success in life? How would we live differently if we believed that? Would we consume less content, read fewer books, and pay less attention to experts? That seems like the natural result of such a belief. But seriously, who would want that? And what kind of Life Coach would recommend it?
I heard Shelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce say five words recently that I haven't been able to put down. She's the Jamaican sprinter, the most decorated 100-meter runner in history. She was on Mel Robbins' podcast, talking about doubt, age, and the belief that your best days are behind you. And in the middle of it, she said this: "Time will honor your greatness."
When was the last time you heard yourself, or someone else, say "I don't have time for that!" in response to a request for some kind of commitment? Recently I sat with an extraordinary young woman. She's ambitious, warm, the kind of person who lights up a room, and I learned that she hasn't slept properly in about a decade. This past year she's mostly been getting her eight hours, and she still feels exhausted to the bone. She falls asleep in the middle of tasks. She fights to stay energized.
I asked my clients a question recently, and their answers have stayed with me since. Here it is: If your family inherited only your habits, not your things, not your money, which ones would be your richest gifts? It's a strange kind of estate planning. No house, no savings, no heirlooms. Just the way you move through your days, handed down. And what struck me about the answers is that not one person hesitated. They already knew.
We've arrived at the last of my three Selves, and the most fun of them all. But I have to be honest with you, the way I've tried to be honest in every one of these posts: for years, my Future Self really resented me. And she had every reason to. Here's the confession. Almost two decades ago, I was sitting with my Coach, and he asked me a question that should have been easy.
Only one of my three Selves is holding the steering wheel right now. Not the Past; she's a passenger who won't stop narrating from the back seat. Not the Future; she's the destination, beautiful and a little blurry on the horizon. The only Self with her hands actually on the wheel, at this moment, is my Present Self.
In the last post, I introduced you to my (and your) three Selves: Past, Present, and Future, and promised we'd start with the hardest one to love. So here she is. My Past Self. I told you she's a bit delusional, with the memory of a hamster for anything good and the memory of an elephant for anything I'd rather forget. That part I played for laughs.
When we think about relationships, we often assume they're external dynamics. Folks come to coaching to improve their relationships at work and at home—as partners, parents, and family. They feel that if only they could improve those relationships through better communication, boundary setting, and other strategies, they'd reach a higher level of life satisfaction.
In last week’s blog, I answered the top five questions I receive from people interested in working with a professional coach. So many of you reached out with more questions—different questions than the five I addressed. So this week, I want to shine a light on these more recent inquiries.
The coaching industry has a problem. There are no gatekeepers. No governing bodies. No universal standards. That makes the field both accessible and deeply confusing—especially for someone who genuinely wants help and doesn't know where to start. Over the years, I've noticed the same questions come up again and again.