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A few weeks ago, at a lovely luncheon, I had the unexpected pleasure of sitting next to a woman I've known on and off for over a decade. A more truthful statement would be that I've not so much "known" her as "watched" her over these many years.

This is a woman who is a legitimate force of nature.

She is creating transformations in the world that most governments cannot.

She elevates other women to extraordinary heights. Just when you think she's achieved the peak of excellence in one arena—motherhood, business, philanthropy—she shatters your expectations and delivers on entirely different fronts—personal growth, the arts, dance.

She's the kind of woman whose ordinary Tuesday would be most people's career highlight.

And yet, through the years, I kept my distance from her—for reasons that became clear to me only as we shared a deep conversation at the luncheon.

In the years of interacting with and observing her from afar, I almost always felt an intensity of energy that I was simultaneously magnetized towards and pulled away from. It was an energy I knew well and had worked so hard to release in myself. I was perhaps unconsciously afraid that if I stepped fully into her orbit, that energy would take me right back to where I was fifteen years ago.

Let me explain that energetic space to you. For most of my adult life, I, too, was a force of nature, but I had put "doing" ahead of my "being”.

From the moment I opened my eyes, I would be in doing mode, and every night I would fall into bed exhausted. Nobody was forcing me to be this way—the push was entirely generated from within.

No amount of self-care—as most women generally understand the concept—relieved my bone-deep exhaustion. Nothing ever felt complete.

If I did something perfectly, at the level that met my approval, it was always at the cost of feeling that I had let myself—or others—down in some other area of life.

I was, I now realize, emotionally closed—mainly because all the doing kept myself, my soul, whatever you want to call it, from simply “being” and being seen by others.

My life goals were all action verbs. Four in particular:

Push, Drive, Motivate, Optimize.

The friend I speak of may not have been having any of the experiences I shared above, but her energy felt perilously close to mine when I walked through life with achievement as my only North Star.

And like the sober alcoholic who stays away from bars, I had decided to stay away from others who I assumed—true or false—might draw me back to that energetic kryptonite.

But on this day, a different woman showed up. Same power, but without the push. Same intensity, but without the friction.

There was a stillness underneath her energy that I recognized immediately as something I'd been seeking for years. There's a Hebrew word for it.

Menuchah.

The simple translation is rest. But it means something far deeper than stopping activity or recovering from fatigue. Menuchah is a state of essential completion and inner alignment—not the absence of movement.

When we move through the world in an inner state of Menuchah, everything in our lives may look the same, but everything, especially the feeling of who we are being, is different.

Genuine and powerful transformational coaching is chocolate-covered broccoli. People seek out a coach to help them achieve specific goals. But what they really want to achieve—even if they don't realize it—is the feeling they believe they will experience if they accomplish those goals.

The chocolate is the goal. The broccoli is Menuchah.

High-achieving people, like the remarkable woman I mentioned, don't want to lose their ambition, extraordinary capabilities, or winning desires.

They are always "just starting" because they are literally overflowing with ideas that enrich the world around them. But they also don't want to feel spiritually, physically, and emotionally depleted.

Menuchah is the answer.

It's a practice that takes time and commitment. It can be learned and taught. It teaches us to move through our days without inner resistance. It's the feeling that nothing inside you is arguing with what you're doing. It’s the quiet satisfaction of knowing your actions are aligned with your deepest desires and values.

The woman who walked into the room at that luncheon is living in a state of Menuchah.

She is at rest even as she accomplishes more than she ever has (and that's a lot!).

She is present and able to fully shine the light of her powerful attention on the person she's with.

She's not looking over your shoulder while talking to you. She's quick but never in a hurry.

In the year ahead, my wish for myself, my clients, and all who support my work is to do the radical work it takes to learn to live in and create from this grounded place of rest.

Photo: D. Bana Photography