Your Purpose in Life Doesn’t Need a Cape
"What has you exploring professional coaching?" I asked Maria.
"I have such a full and busy life," she explained. "From morning to night, I'm running from one thing to another. And yet, when I put my head on my pillow, I can't help but wonder if I've accomplished anything worthwhile. I need help finding my purpose and to feel like I'm winning at life."
If I could retire on the number of times a client has asked me to help them find their life’s purpose, I'd be writing this from a beach in Portugal!
Here's the problem: in our generation, the concept of "Life Purpose" has been inflated to such mythic proportions that even thinking about it is exhausting. That's why most people get stuck in the thinking phase forever. We carry misunderstandings about purpose that lead us away from it rather than toward it.
I see four myths that trip people up again and again:
Myth #1: There's only ONE purpose you were put on this earth for.
Myth #2: Your purpose needs to be grand and world-changing.
Myth #3: People you care about must approve of your purpose.
Myth #4: Your purpose is a lifelong commitment.
All four are false.
You don't have to save the world, become a martyr, or be the most incredible artist of your generation. Your purpose doesn't have to be a means to an end, make money, or build a legacy. It can live for a week or a decade—but seldom a lifetime.
Once we release these roadblocks, we can finally see what we've been seeking.
So what is “Purpose”? Purpose, quite simply, is an activity that feels like time well spent.
That's it.
Let me show you what this looks like in practice.
I've gone back to school for my Master's degree. Given that I was less than spectacular as a student the first time around, this decision has felt intimidating.
Everyone who learns I've returned to university asks the same question: "What do you want to do with your degree?"
I find this funny and illuminating. I'm at a stage in life where another degree has no bearing on my career. The idea that I'm willing to stretch and challenge myself, and fall on my face in front of other students (much younger than I), without it leading to some ultimate practical goal, is difficult for many people to accept.
But becoming genuinely educated in a subject that deeply resonates with me? That is time well spent. And it is worth the effort.
Those two phrases—time well spent and worth the effort—are your arrows pointing directly toward “Purpose”.
So use them as your compass.
Ask yourself:
Is this time well spent?
Is this worth the effort?
If your answer to both is a Hell Yes, you've found a purpose.
Notice what these questions don't ask: Will I make a living doing this? Will others respect my choice? Will I be able to fit this into my "free" time? Purpose doesn't answer those questions. It answers only itself.
So how do you know when you've actually found it?
There are four signs I've come to recognize.
First, you can't stop thinking about it. Often it's been a quiet longing for years, even decades.
Second, when you're doing it, you lose track of time—hours feel like minutes.
Third, you have to make dedicated time for it; it won't just happen, you must choose it.
And fourth, it can change as you grow. The purpose that fits you at forty may not fit at sixty—and that's exactly as it should be.
Purpose comes in endless guises. I want to share with you below a collection from my life and my clients' lives:
To age powerfully, not just gracefully.
To create a second marriage with my first spouse.
To raise extraordinary adults who make the world better.
To adopt shelter dogs.
To create a foundation funding causes meaningful to me.
To innovate the sport of football.
To enjoy my beautiful life instead of working because I feel like I should.
To come out of retirement and kick ass.
To be the glue that keeps my family connected.
To host gorgeous gatherings and create magic moments.
To become an expert in the history and language of a country I've long been obsessed with.
To launch my own hospitality business.
To make jewelry.
To run an ultramarathon.
To create a life in nature.
To cook healthy and nourishing meals for my family and friends.
Now that you know what “Purpose” is—and what keeps it out of reach—you should know what it absolutely requires.
Most people can identify one or even four purposes. But deep down, they don't really want to. Because knowing your purpose and not taking action to fulfill it is its own kind of hell.
So if you keep telling yourself that you don't know your purpose, try asking a different question first:
If I did know—would I be willing to do the work of realizing it?
