Photo credit: Los Angeles Blade, Circa 1991 | In the photo: APLA CEO Steve Bennett, Actress/Model Kelly LeBrock, Actor Steven Segal, Fashion Show Founder/Producer Michael Anketell at the Gianni Versace gala | Photo courtesy: Michael Anketell

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I coach two kinds of women.

The first are women who have arrived—externally, at least. They've built the career, the family, the life. By every measure, they've succeeded. And yet something feels off. They come to me not to build more, but to finally feel what they thought success would deliver: peace, ease, joy.

Last week, I wrote about the woman who has already built that life—and still feels like something is missing. If that's you, you can read that piece here.

This article is for the ‘other’ women. The ones still building.

You're in your late twenties, thirties, maybe early forties. You're ambitious. You're talented. You're working hard—probably too hard. You're proving yourself in rooms that don't always make space for you. You're building something: a career, a business, a life, a reputation.

And somewhere along the way, without realizing it, you started giving your power away.

I've noticed that many women recoil from the word power. We associate it with domination, aggression, ego—the worst caricatures of how power has been wielded (usually by men) throughout history. Power over others. Power that elevates one person by stepping on another.

That's not the power I'm talking about.

Power, simply put, is the ability to create something from nothing.

Power takes what's possible and makes it real. It transforms potential into ability, influence, impact, love, wealth, health, peace—anything you can imagine.

This kind of power isn't about domination. It's about creation. And it's your birthright.

The question is: Are you claiming it? Or are you quietly, unconsciously, giving it away?

I've coached hundreds of women. Extraordinary women—intelligent, talented, wholehearted. Women who take my breath away with their potential.

And I watch them give their power away in the same patterns, over and over:

They Shrink to Make Others Comfortable

They dim their intelligence in meetings. They soften their opinions. They add qualifiers—"I might be wrong, but..." "This is probably a stupid question..." "I'm not sure, but maybe..."—to ideas that deserve to be stated with conviction.

They Over-explain and Over-apologize

They justify decisions that need no justification. They apologize for having needs, for taking up space, for being ambitious.

They Wait for Permission

To speak up. To apply. To ask for what they're worth. To start the thing they've been thinking about for years. They wait for someone to tap them on the shoulder and say, "You're ready now."

They Outsource Their Validation

They need the promotion to feel successful, the relationship to feel worthy, and the approval to feel confident. Their sense of self rises and falls based on external feedback.

They Confuse Being Liked With Being Respected

They'd rather be agreeable than powerful. They mistake niceness for goodness—and sacrifice their actual opinions to maintain the appearance of harmony.

They Compete With Other Women Instead of Building With Them

They see another woman's success as a threat to their own rather than as proof of what's possible.

A woman in full possession of her power is unmistakable. Not because she's loud or domineering—often, she's the quietest person in the room. But there's something about her. A steadiness. A centeredness. She's not performing. She's not proving. She simply is.

Here's what I've observed about women who've claimed their power:

She Doesn't Push, Chase, or Over-Explain

She states her position and lets it stand. She makes the ask and waits. She doesn't fill silence with nervous justification.

She's Ambitious Without Being Competitive

She doesn't measure herself against other women. She holds herself to a higher standard: her own future self. Other women's wins don't threaten her—they inspire her.

She Protects Her Time and Energy Fiercely

Her calendar reflects her priorities, not everyone else's. She's learned that "no" is a complete sentence.

She Doesn't Confuse Self-Care With Self-Coddling

She knows the difference between rest and avoidance, between boundaries and walls, between honoring her needs and indulging her fears.

She Straightens Other Women's Crowns

She's not threatened by other powerful women. She celebrates them, elevates them, and makes room for them. She knows there's abundance, not scarcity.

She Allows Herself to Be Seen

Not a curated, polished, Instagram version of herself—but the real thing. The mess and the magic. She's stopped hiding behind perfection.

She Doesn't Borrow From Her Future Self to Pay for Today's Comfort

She makes the hard choice now so her future self doesn't have to clean up the mess. She delays gratification. She plays the long game.

After years of coaching women who are deep into the building phase, I’ve learned this: most of them are waiting for permission.

Permission to be ambitious without apology. Permission to want more—more money, more impact, more recognition. Permission to stop shrinking. Permission to take up space. Permission to be powerful.

So let me be clear: You don't need permission. But if you've been waiting for it, here it is.

You are allowed to be ambitious. You are allowed to want more. You are allowed to be the most powerful person in the room. You are allowed to stop apologizing for your gifts. You are allowed to claim what's yours.

The only question is: Will you?

If you're a woman in the building years—still creating, still proving, still becoming—the work is about stepping into your power. Claiming it. Using it. Refusing to give it away.

But I'll tell you something I've learned, both from my own life and from the women I coach who are further down the road:

There comes a point where you've built the thing. You've proven yourself. You've accumulated the success, the recognition, the achievements. And you discover that power alone doesn't deliver peace.

That's a different chapter. That's when the work shifts—from building to integrating, from proving to being, from achieving to enjoying what you've achieved.

But that chapter isn't for today. Today, the invitation is simpler:

Stop giving your power away.

You'll know what to do with it once you have it.

If this resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. Where do you notice yourself giving your power away? What permission have you been waiting for?

And if you're curious about what it looks like to work with me—whether you're in the building years or the chapter that comes after—reach out. I work with both. The conversations are different, but the depth is the same.