Want practical steps to achieving your goals? Join The Life Vault Course >>

5 Reasons for the Quarter Life Crisis

If you’re not yet familiar with the concept of Quarter Life Crisis, you’re not alone. It’s also likely that you are not a Millennial.

As a Professional Coach, a number of my clients are emerging adults. Generally between the ages of 18 and 25, they are facing some very real challenges as they transition from school and living at home to living independently and building careers.

It irks me when I hear the “older” generation (mine) assigning adjectives like lazy, entitled or confused to describe this group of what I know to be generally ambitious, conscientious, and hard working young adults.

To be sure, they are different from us, but no more than we are different from our parents’ generation. One significant and life altering difference is that they are not waiting until mid life to have that all too familiar crisis. They don’t want to wait till 45 to do what they can do at 25;  to ask (and answer) the life-defining questions that are...

Continue Reading...

The Gracious No

coaching communication Aug 19, 2021

Last week’s blog, “Freedom As A Life Value”{ Add live link}, included one tiny sentence that invited an inordinate number of questions from readers!  In my list of 6 practices that have collectively allowed me to cultivate the freedom to give more time and attention to the activities and people that matter most to me, #3 was, “Learning the art of the Gracious “No””.

Oprah readily admits that she did not learn how to say “no”, until she was 40 years old, and learning to do so transformed her life.  So many of us equate the word “no” with being rude, unkind, and selfish.  Somewhere along our growth path, we became convinced that good people say “yes”!

For women in particular, we have not had many female role models from whom we might learn how to become skilled at saying “no”, in the multitude of ways that are kind, truthful, and gracious.  More often, we’ve witnessed...

Continue Reading...

Band-Aid Coaching?

coaching Jul 29, 2021

Shifts, shifts, shifts.  The work of Professional Coaching is all about facilitating long-term sustainable shifts - which is entirely different than tricks, hacks and shortcuts.

 

I noticed a false and disheartening belief, (originally) in myself while being coached, and now, often within my clients.  So many of us wrongly assume habits that have been nurtured and cultivated for decades can be undone in weeks or even in one moment - if only we could learn how!  So we consume endless books, articles and podcasts - and we are in a perpetual search for the one guru, Coach, or therapist who can just give us the answer that will change our life around.  We confuse information with transformation and wonder why we’re becoming more informed but not more at ease.

 

To give you a clearer idea of these tricky patterns, let me share a few of the damaging ones I regularly come across in my work with high-performing clients.  These patterns create...

Continue Reading...

Becoming A Deliberate Something

I’m often asked how I became an ultrarunner, and the short answer is, “One step at a time”.  The deeper answer has something to do with loss and humility.

I started running in my teens as a means to an end.  Whether that end goal was to lose weight, produce positive endorphins, or just clear my head, running was an activity I did solely for the result. It was something to be won and done before I could start or see my day as complete. 

I applied my “hard-charging and no prisoners” mindset to running as equally as I did to the rest of my daily activities.  Although I got the proverbial job done, I was often less than present and deliberate in the doing.  I ran an average of 4 miles a day - enough to call myself a runner - but I was rarely connected to my body when I did it.  Running was a transaction for me. 

Until it wasn’t. 

Like so many others have experienced, I started to feel strange and new pains in my...

Continue Reading...

Is Help a 4 Letter Word?

Growing up and well into adulthood, “How do I make it happen??”, was the question I asked myself most often.  I was raised and also had an inclination to be independent, resourceful and high achieving.  Bars were not set low in my family, and I not only accepted that life view but took it to a higher level because (for whatever reason) what was good enough for others, had to be broken apart and reimagined by me.  Not me and others like me, but me alone.  If I couldn’t achieve, create, or solve something by myself, then it wasn't worth attempting.  It was the tree falling in the forest analogy playing out in my life continuously.  If I didn’t do it all by myself, then do I really deserve any credit for it at all? 

Decades later, David Whyte’s words of wisdom helped me understand the belief that I should be figuring things out entirely on my own, is not unique to me. “Help is strangely something we want to do...

Continue Reading...

Surrender is a Wormhole

I come from a family of high achievers. My work as a Life and Leadership Coach has me in constant conversation with leaders who would proudly carry this label.  But in pushing the borders of exploring what it means to live a happy life, it has become clear to me that being a high achiever is no longer a badge of honor or a marker of life satisfaction.

Achievement by its nature is about doing.  As a Coach, I am committed to helping my clients create sustainable action plans to reach their desired goals.  I also help them stay on the path that has them knowing they are moving in the right direction, no matter how long it takes.  Naturally “doing” is a big part of this work.

Except sometimes “doing” is not what is required at critical moments. For those of us who were raised to be “doers” at any cost, the answer to any dilemma is always “do more”.  But what happens when we hit a wall, and deeply feel - whether...

Continue Reading...

Niche Rhymes with Quiche

coaching leadership Mar 19, 2021

“What’s your niche?”, is a question I’m asked often by folks who are curious to learn more about coaching, and by other Coaches who are interested in working with me.

 

My short and often unsatisfying response is, “My niche is humans.”

 

It’s not that I don’t understand the value of differentiating myself and my expertise. And let’s not forget that I cultivated my professional self and learnings for decades, in the world of luxury branding where marketing their niche is considered business 101. Most professional coaching schools will train you as a coach, and devote a good portion of their curriculum to teaching aspiring coaches how to build their business by deciding on a niche and marketing it aggressively.

 

If this system of business creation works, why is the average global Professional Life Coach salary only $47,000? Not exactly below the poverty line, but certainly in the lowest income category according to...

Continue Reading...

Life Coaching is Not Hourly Work

Life Coaching continues to be mystifying to most.  It certainly was to me, until the previous decade of my life.  Folks don’t understand the difference between Coaching and therapy, as well as the myriad of other methods that exist within the space of human potential.  And because Coaching is a fast-growing field with a low barrier to entry, there is an understandable measure of skepticism that it faces.

 

One of my larger life goals is to bring legitimacy to the field of Life Coaching and contribute to the public understanding of this profession as being valid, valuable, and just as necessary as any other profession like law, medicine, or sports.  I do this in two ways - by building a thriving Coaching business that speaks for itself, and by devoting an extraordinary number of my working hours to demonstrating what Coaching is.  Notice I said demonstrating and not speaking about the benefits.  When we try to explain what something is,...

Continue Reading...

What Should I Do?

coaching Dec 24, 2020

“What should I do?”, is arguably the phrase many Professional Coaches hear most often.  High achieving folks have a tendency to believe they should be able to solve all their challenges by themselves.  Most of my clients come to me with this particular belief firmly rooted in their operating system.  Moreover, they believe they should solve problems for everyone around them as well.

 

This is an unproductive and even damaging belief, disguised as a helpful and loving one.  If you really want to help yourself get past the big life questions that have you feeling stuck, then get over your ego (like I did and continue to do), and connect with someone outside yourself who understands the process of helping you figure out your own unique answer.  If you want to help someone else, ask them questions to understand their “Why”, instead of jumping in with your (however wise and hard-earned) response to their problem.

 

This is a...

Continue Reading...

Get Off The Bicycle!

What’s the state of your Life Buckets?  When was the last time you checked to see how empty or full each one is?

 

One of the first exercises I introduce my clients to, is the process defining your 3-4 Life Buckets.  Once we identify our Core Life Values (a separate exercise), we can then decide on the areas of our life that are of priority.  Will it be Fun/Enjoyment, Philanthropy, Career, Parenting, Intimate Relationship, Health, etc., ...?  The list goes on, but the Buckets don’t.  It’s imperative that we choose no more than 4, as difficult as it may be.

 

We do this because the biggest robber of our time and attention - the only true capital we have - is the lack of awareness and commitment about what matters most to us.  Jim Collins, the author of “Good To Great”, states that “If you have more than three priorities, you have no priorities.”  It’s the same with Life Buckets.  Any...

Continue Reading...
1 2 3 4
Close

50% Complete