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Find Your North Star

life integration Aug 05, 2021

Increasingly, more people are investing their resources in service of self-growth and potential.  I’m talking about high achieving, by most counts, very successful folks, who are realizing that some critically important teachings were missing in their academic and family curriculum.  With some exceptions, most of us did not learn how to cultivate our emotional well being, skillfully manage our thoughts, and gain the tools and skills essential for creating a life that is more often peaceful, purposeful and fulfilling rather than chaotic, volatile, and frankly, frightening in its constant uncertainty.

 

A great place to start when aiming to do this life-changing work is with an assessment of our life values.  Much has been written on the impact of our life values and why it’s important to be crystal clear about them.  For a deep dive, you can study the work of Brene Brown as well as John Demartini.  For now, it’s sufficient to understand...

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Save The Tuition

life integration Jul 01, 2021

One of the most cherished 90 minutes of my week is when I get together with my group of soulful, bright, and growth-minded clients who are all under 40. We don’t have a curriculum or agenda, yet the learnings are abundant and the insights are life-changing.

 

The beauty of good professional coaching is that we don’t have to be personally coached to see our challenges and struggles unfold, and potentially solved, by observing the skillful coaching of another person.  This group has a special place in my heart because they are still climbing their First Mountain, and I know for certain that there is a way for them to experience life with more ease, serenity, and skill than most of us do in our first half of life.

 

Most humans want the feeling of belonging to a pack, while at the same time expressing their own uniqueness. We confuse being unique with having to reinvent the wheel. We waste so much time experiencing and learning lessons that others have done...

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Be Complete, Not Perfect

life integration Jun 22, 2021

Perfect is a moving target, that’s if it’s even a thing. We are so quick and nonchalant in peppering our everyday conversations with the word “perfect”.  That was a perfect meal.  My son is a perfect student.  I want the perfect relationship.  Most of us were raised to be perfectionists, and were educated in schools that publicly rewarded the students who achieved the highest grades.

 

All this would be fine if we also taught our kids the dictionary meaning of perfection, and then let them decide if they want to pursue that path for the rest of their lives.  Look it up for yourself, and you’ll be amazed by how extreme and results focused the definitions are. Some definitions that stood out for me are, as good as it is possible to be, faultless, flawless, and without equal. Thankfully, some wise person also added, “too good to be true”, but that one is easily lost amongst all the other shiny words like:...

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Life is Long

life integration Jun 03, 2021

 

How often have you heard, “Life is short”?

 

Here’s the thing.  If we don’t meet an untimely death, if we are fortunate enough to be given a life past our 80’s, then life is actually pretty long.  Playing the long game is smart, but it is also the only game we should be playing.  Every game has its own unique rules.  These are rules that allow players to engage with others and get the most out of the game.  Rules create a framework around the game, so players can achieve mastery and enjoyment.

 

Life too, is a game, and it’s meant to be a long one.  And like any other game, a good life has rules that support our ability to play well - to play like a pro.  Sadly, life is not taught in school alongside math, history, and science.  We are expected to pick up lessons and understand the rules, either by accepting our parents’ version of them, or learning through our own hard earned...

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Change is a Wild Horse

life integration May 13, 2021

When did the word “change” become a negative thing?  George Bernard Shaw famously said, “Those who cannot change their mind, cannot change anything.”  Yet, so many of us fight, resist, and are adverse to change in ourselves and others.

 

Helping my clients enrich and improve their personal relationships is front and center in my work.  Arguably, the most effective tool in order to achieve more robust relationships, is skillful communication - not perfect, just skillful.  Nobody was born knowing how to communicate effectively.  It’s not an innate talent, but rather a learned skill that improves exponentially through exploring new concepts and putting them into consistent and deliberate practice.  

 

So, we can learn to become excellent communicators, but fear of communicating is more difficult to get past.  I can role play with my clients and teach them different ways of communicating authentically and...

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Balance Is A Verb

life integration May 06, 2021

One of the main goals that bring people to life coaching is the desire to “find balance” in their lives.  Spoiler alert!  As far as I have come to believe and understand, there is no such thing as living a balanced life, unless you are a robot or living a very boring life.

 

Folks who are drawn to me and my style of coaching often share my life values.  They are high achieving and desire to be high performing in all areas of their lives.  They hate the idea of unfulfilled potential and are life-long learners.  They are highly functional in at least one life domain and aspire to live more skillfully in all the others.  But the question of balance generally shows up in clients who are 40 years and older.  It seems that by midlife, all the “things” we worked hard to acquire - the prosperous career, spouse, children, hobbies, passions, friendships, and not to mention our original family - begin to feel like plates that must...

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The Privilege of a Second Life

life integration Apr 29, 2021

The chance to live a second life is nothing less than a privilege.  I don’t mean a second chapter, I mean, the opportunity to live a life that feels brand new.

 

I’m writing this blog on a day of the week where I meet with all 3 of my Mastermind and Coaching Groups.  One is a group for men and women below the age of 40 and the other two require a minimum age of 45.  I consider myself a People’s Coach, and as such, will work with anyone who’s a psychographic match for me, regardless of their demographic.  So, why make a distinction around age when working with groups?

 

At 56, I have already started climbing what David Brooks calls our “Second Mountain”, and I can report that it’s an entirely different effort with views that can be spectacular, only if we don’t compare it to the First Mountain.  My clients who are younger than 45, regardless of how mature they may be, are asking themselves an entirely...

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Harvest the Wisdom of Life During COVID

“Slow down” is a phrase I can legitimately say my long-time clients are sick of hearing.  What they don’t realize, is that it’s a message to me, even more than it is to them.  It’s true that slowing down is the most valuable skill and practice I offer to my clients, but it’s like the biggest onion ever; we keep peeling the layers and still, there’s more.

 

I’m in my 50s, and still catch myself wanting to go fast, yet I intentionally bring myself back to the moment.  I do this because I know that the value I’m trying to create, the impact I want to have, and the experience I cannot wait to enjoy can only be done right if I do it with presence and purpose; and we cannot step into either of those states of being when we are rushing.  I know this to be very true.

 

After all these years of practice, this is the first thought that comes to my mind when I open my eyes in the morning:...

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What About Me?

I absolutely love my work.  Folks ask me if I’m exhausted at the end of the day, having been in deep coaching conversations for 8-9 hours.  I secretly believe that most people think I’m lying when I say I’m far from exhausted.  In truth, I’m even more energized after countless sessions.  Don’t get me wrong - I schedule plenty of time to rest my brain and body, and being very familiar with the symptoms of overwork and burnout (both in myself and my high achieving clients), I incorporate all the life balance and integration systems I teach my clients into my own life.

 

But burnout is more often the result of an emotional challenge rather than a physical or mental one.  In my work with clients, two main culprits present most often when we find ourselves experiencing burnout.   The first is the thought and ensuing belief that our work is not meaningful, and the other is that we are not appreciated.  Let’s focus...

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The "Things Worth Doing" List

life integration Feb 11, 2021

Last week’s blog, “The Shit I Don’t Have Time For” List, touched more people’s hearts and minds than I expected.  As well, it elicited the most response I’ve ever received.  Although I wrote it from my own female perspective, men and women alike, connected deeply with the message and started making their own SIDHTF list - and shared it with me.

 

It was unusual and rare for me to write from the “don’t” perspective.  Don’t is more often an unproductive or unuseful word in the context of creating desires.  As a Coach, I almost never use this word because I know it has the opposite effect on my clients.  If I say, “Hey, whatever you do, don’t think about the yellow Bentley parked outside,” what is the image you immediately have in your mind?

 

A yellow Bentley?

 

This is why don’t is not effective in creating.  It’s a word that touches parts of us that...

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