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Filters Are Not Harmless

mindset Aug 26, 2021

I’m going to share a secret with you.  Great Life Coaching is not about helping clients reach their goals.  Setting goals and striving towards them is what I call the “chocolate-covered broccoli” of this work.

Of course, we get clarity on our goals and strive towards them.  More often than not, when working with a capable Professional Coach, we achieve our declared goals.  But that’s not what makes transformational coaching so invaluable.  Most Coaches will tell you that the actual problem or challenge our clients present with, is not the one we need to solve.  The main obstacle, the one that has been getting in the way of their success for years and often decades, is that of feeling they are not enough.

Enough for love, enough for the task, enough for success, and ironically, not even enough for failure.  We don’t go for our dreams and desires because we don’t think we have enough capacity to face failure. ...

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Freedom As a Life Value

mindset Aug 12, 2021

Last week’s blog, Find Your North Star, elicited a lot of responses and questions from my community.  “How can I find out my top life values?”, was the question most asked. But I also was asked to share my top values and the impact of each in my life.

 

It takes time, attention and brutal honesty to uncover the two values that are true drivers of our actions at any given point in our lives.  Many of us point to our “Show Values”, the ones we would like others to appreciate us for - the ones we wish to cultivate and exhibit more of.  There’s nothing wrong with that, and we are cultivating a number of secondary values that may one day find themselves on our top two list.  But our “Real Values” may be different altogether.

 

To understand our Real rather than Show Values, we must look at our actions - the day-to-day and often moment-to-momentt indicators of what matters most to us.  As an example, if...

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Being In Control vs. Being In Charge

mindset Jul 15, 2021

A great Coach isn’t smarter, more knowledgeable, or necessarily even more experienced than her greatest client.

 

A great Coach is deliberately on the road to mastering her craft and is in charge of the coaching process, not in control of the outcome.  This is the truth that I had to come to terms with, on the path to becoming a Professional Coach who is devoted to serving my clients.  In the process, I learned a distinction that is life-changing, if understood and practiced regularly - the difference between being in control and being in charge.

 

So many of us live with constant stress and anxiety because we are trying to control every element of our days.  Whether it’s our health, business, or relationships, we operate from the false belief that we are in control of the outcome - if we only have more knowledge, hire the right people, yell loud enough, manipulate more, and a myriad of other actions - we believe will get the result we...

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Is Failure the Opposite of Success?

A dear and wise client of mine, Jo, sent me a text last night with a seemingly simple question.  She asked, “How do you define success?”

I read this text at the end of a day that felt like anything but successful.  I had failed to finish a 50-mile race that I had trained for with great commitment and dedication.   As a Coach who helps clients clarify their singular and unique definition of success and then partner with them in creating a road map to achieving their goals, I know all about this process.  I understand the difference between intention and commitment, as well as the difference between saying what we want and doing the work that is required to make it happen.  But here’s the thing; sometimes it’s just not our day.  Shit happens that is out of our control, and we don’t get what we want (for now).  Is that a failure? I say yes. It’s a failure in that we fell short of our goal. But failure, as...

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Learn Less, Remember More

mindset Feb 18, 2021

Many of us are energized to set new goals and resolutions during this time of the year.  I love beginnings and endings, but I don’t love the middle. One of my biggest challenges in this work of self-growth and development has been identifying practices that help me be and feel as committed when I’m in the middle of a project and goal, as I was in the beginning.

 

Working intimately with more folks than I ever imagined, I can confidently report that I’m far from the only person with this problem.  Through the years, I’ve learned one primary mind shift and practice that has been revolutionary in helping me stay invested in my goals, with patience and sustained excitement.  I learned this from Professional Coach, Steve Chandler, who in a conversation about new year resolutions said, “Drop the how to create your year with intention and focus, and remember to create your year with intention and focus - it’s a remembering every...

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Are You a Time Thriver or Time Survivor?

mindset Jan 21, 2021

I used to believe that our most valuable resource is time.  After all, it’s the one commodity no amount of money can buy.  And the fact that no one knows just how much remains for each of us in our lifetime, makes it even more rare and valuable.  But after years of coaching people of all ages, genders, and life circumstances, I believe there is something even more valuable than time alone.

 

Our Time Mindset.

 

Our Time Mindset is the mitochondria of time - the battery inside every unit of time that makes that minute, hour, and day powerful or wasted.  As cells in our body can either be surviving or thriving, so can our time.  There are two types of Time Mindset carried by two kinds of people, the Time Survivor and the Time Thriver.  How do you identify which type you are? You can hear it in everyday language if you listen closely. 

 

The Time Survivor will often be “getting through” life.  Ask how her family...

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Learn Less, Remember More

mindset Jan 14, 2021

Many of us are energized to set new goals and resolutions during this time of the year.  I love beginnings and endings, but I don’t love the middle. One of my biggest challenges in this work of self-growth and development has been identifying practices that help me be and feel as committed when I’m in the middle of a project and goal, as I was in the beginning.

 

Working intimately with more folks than I ever imagined, I can confidently report that I’m far from the only person with this problem.  Through the years, I’ve learned one primary mind shift and practice that has been revolutionary in helping me stay invested in my goals, with patience and sustained excitement.  I learned this from Professional Coach, Steve Chandler, who in a conversation about new year resolutions said, “Drop the how to create your year with intention and focus, and remember to create your year with intention and focus - it’s a remembering every...

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Inspiration Vs. Motivation

mindset Jan 03, 2021

This is the time of year that Professional Coaches are inundated with requests for coaching conversations.  Folks want to know how someone like me can help them achieve their goals.  It’s easy to set goals and create a plan to execute them.  It’s easy to download an app or hire a coach that promises to keep you accountable.  So why do most of us fail miserably year after year?  And is there a better way to go about achieving our goals?  The answer is yes, and the author of one of my favorite and timeless children’s books, “The Little Prince”, puts it best:

 

“If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the people to gather wood, divide the work, and give orders.  Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast endless sea.”

- Antoine De Saint-Exupery

 

In my work with clients, whether one on one or in groups, we always begin with deep and focused conversations that allow them to create a vision -...

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You're Not Stupid - You're Just Impatient!

mindset Dec 17, 2020

Perk up your ears, and you’ll notice how often you hear yourself or others say, “I’m so stupid!”.  I know I do it.  Far less than I used to, but still, I catch myself saying it in my head and sometimes out loud with no consciousness.

 

As I’m fond of saying to my kids, who accuse me of “uncoachly” behavior, “I’m a Life Coach, not a Saint!”.  So yes, I too will sometimes, less than consciously, utter phrases that are demeaning to my Self - and I mean “Self” with a capital “S”.  Why?  Because there is a Self inside us that deserves recognition, and patiently awaits for us to cultivate a relationship with it, like we do with a life partner or our vocation.  A Self that wants to know itself.  A Self that wants to be in a deep and meaningful conversation with us.  A Self, that regretfully, we don’t even acknowledge an inkling of its existence until we are...

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Self Judgement Is Not A High-Performance Tool

communication mindset Dec 10, 2020

Much of the work I do with my clients centers around cultivating their sense of compassion, for others and for themselves.  I’ve found that most of us can find a level of compassion for others, but when it comes to our selves, we can be obstinate and harsh.  We expect so much of ourselves and confuse our lack of self-compassion for ambition, strength, and control.  We falsely believe that the more we judge ourselves, the higher our future performance will be.

 

Let me tell you that compassion, in and of itself, is a thing, and it matters more than most other qualities that we can benefit from cultivating.  The opposite of compassion is not some kind of positive or helpful quality of being.  The opposite of compassion is judgement.  These two ways of engaging with ourselves and the world around us, sit on two ends of a spectrum, and it’s my experience that the further we move away from judgement and towards compassion, the more power,...

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