We must have a clear understanding of black and white before we can understand what creates the color gray. Our mind must grasp the difference between two concepts—concepts that can easily be confused—before it can form its own nuanced understanding. Use this formula to teach yourself, your children, and your teams, and you'll see how effective it is.

It's not unusual for me to start a coaching session by asking, "What would make this conversation extraordinary for you?" That's because coaching is all about going from good to great—ordinary to extraordinary. But ironically, my greatest hope and wish for my clients, loved ones, and myself is to be consistently blessed with the ordinary.

What are the one or two questions you are asked most often? These questions reveal your priorities and values. In my life, two come up repeatedly: “What’s Life Coaching?” and “Why do you do Ultramarathon races?” Both illuminate how I cultivate confidence, face challenges, and expand my ability to do hard things.

Let me start by sharing a truth about parenting I’ve come to believe in wholeheartedly: “You can’t get it right.” Humility is the destination, and parenting is the most direct path to get there. Even when you think you’ve mastered one child, another will remind you how little you know, offering lessons in patience, perspective, and love.

If I could go back 20 years and coach my 30-year-old self, she would realize she's far more powerful than she knows. She would learn to get off the hamster wheel and create an intentional life. She would stop people-pleasing and start powerfully serving herself. She would learn that respect, love, money, and ease are her birthright. She wouldn't walk a mile on her knees to earn anything. She would realize how beautiful she is. And she would have the courage to launch her own business.

“Why so hard on yourself?” I asked my not-yet-client, Linda.
In one of our first discovery conversations, I look for those hidden signs that someone is truly ready to change. Over years of coaching women of all ages, I’ve seen a pattern: a deep internal judgment—especially of self—playing out silently, though felt loudly.

Carolyn, how do you balance healthy self-interest with the need to be fully present for those you care about?” a reader asked. His question arrived after I shared my conflict during a family visit in Lake Tahoe—feeling grateful yet stretched thin between work, parenting, and home life. Somehow, wherever I was, I felt I should be somewhere else.

“You’re like the human AI!” a client texted me after another book recommendation. The truth is, I’ve always been a reader—but the insights that shaped my life and coaching came not from endless consumption, but from learning how to digest what I read. Information only becomes wisdom when we engage with it, reflect on it, and apply it in our lives.

Recently, a friend asked me to share a piece of wisdom that has been a powerful force in my life. I explained that wisdom isn’t just knowledge—it’s metabolized insight we share with others. From “This, too, shall pass” to learning to become anti-fragile, these are lessons that guide how I navigate challenges, presence, and growth.

There’s a secret to identifying our most robust relationships. The secret is that if asked the question, “which one of you gets more out of this relationship?”—each party would honestly and easily respond, “I do, of course!” This is a concept that our brain doesn’t like.

Are you a group person? I never was. Until recently. At first, my individualism bias was by chance more than choice. I was an only child for the first eight years of my life, and truth be told, I liked it. I didn’t have to compete with anyone for attention and had a default for solitude even at that early age.

Recently, a friend asked me to share a piece of wisdom that has been a powerful force in my life. I explained that wisdom isn’t just knowledge—it’s metabolized insight we share with others. From “This, too, shall pass” to learning to become anti-fragile, these are lessons that guide how I navigate challenges, presence, and growth.

We fell and got back up. We woke with tears and fears, then put one foot in front of the other, again. We loved unconditionally. We were inspired to become better versions of ourselves, only to realize we still have a long way to go. We failed more often than we'd like to acknowledge. Still, we made it. But it's a new year—and it won't be a new life unless we make it so. So what's your plan for loving more deeply and living with more ease?

The outpouring of support after writing about Ahmed's passing brought me to tears regularly. I didn't know so many would relate to my experience of grief. Since his death, I've discovered something unexpected: I thought I'd lost my fear of death through decades of spiritual practice. I was wrong. Losing someone so alive and foundational has me reconsidering everything. With the greatest respect for the transcendent, when we die, we are gone from this particular, beautifully material existence. I'm suddenly riddled with the worst case of FOMO known to man—not about social media, but about missing out on life itself.

Personality is a myth. From childhood, we’re led to believe that who we are is fixed—but in truth, we are what we practice deliberately. Through consistent actions and a growth mindset, we can shape our habits, our behaviors, and ultimately, the Self we choose to become.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on how certain emotions can feel like companions—uninvited ones that linger longer than expected. After losing my best friend of 40 years, I discovered that grief isn’t like other difficult emotions. It requires connection, care, and presence, and in learning to honor it, I found unexpected compassion, love, and generosity in my own life.

Your judgment. Your next step. Your beliefs. Your smile. Your "Why". Your words. What you eat and drink. What you say yes to. Who you spend time with. Who you love. Who you trust. When you go to bed. When you show up. When you stay. When you leave. How much sleep you get. How grateful you are. How forgiving you are. I'm not suggesting you do or don't do any of these things. I'm just saying you've got control. Do not fool yourself into believing that you don't.

It took me back to my own high school graduation. I remember feeling just as grown-up, confident, capable, and eager for what was next. Only now, with hindsight, can I see how unprepared I truly was for adult life's complexities. I had plenty of information, but very little wisdom. So, decades later, I've reflected on what I wish I'd known back then.

Sit down. Close your eyes. Hear me saying the word, slack. What's the emotion that rises up in you? If you're anything like most of my clients—ambitious, high-achieving go-getters—the emotion you're experiencing is not a pleasant one. We've been conditioned to think of slack as slacking off, being lazy and complacent.