I Cannot Lie! It’s Just Like School

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Is there something magical about Transformational Coaching?

At first, it can feel that way. You start in a place that seems almost impossible to change—and somehow, you end up somewhere entirely different. Even when your external circumstances remain the same (your job, relationship, business, etc.), everything has changed.

But those of us who’ve experienced this kind of magic—whether as coach, client, or, in my case, both—know that the kind of coaching that creates true, lasting change is anything but magic.

Instead, it feels like going back to school and being introduced to a brand new curriculum. We’re no longer learning Math, History, and Science, but rather Self-awareness, Communication, Life Values (and so much more).

I’m well aware that some (like me!) might find comparing Transformational Coaching to being back in school a turn-off. But my commitment is to serving, not pleasing, my community, and I cannot lie!

It’s just like school. It’s a lot of work. It has its difficult moments. You will sometimes not like your Coach. But you will always feel that her success is entirely tied to your own and that she lives to see you grow and prosper.

Like school, there are: Lessons, Insights, and Homework.

The Lessons are the concepts I write about in my articles.

Lessons offer information. We can’t change what we don’t understand, and lessons can lead to understanding and awareness, the two necessary conditions for creating meaningful change.

Insights happen in client sessions, as the Coach tailors the work to each client’s bespoke needs.

An Insight is what Oprah famously coined as an “Aha moment”–literally, a sight from within. We may have had a particular view of a person or circumstance for decades, and the belief falls apart in one moment with one insight. Suddenly, we enter a whole new world of possibilities.

We don’t change our behavior because we know more (Lessons). We change our behavior because we are moved to see things from a different point of view (Insights).

Any Coach who uses the same curriculum for every single client is limited in their impact. After all, by the time someone is mature enough to commit to the work of coaching, they have come into their own as a person with all the positive and challenging traits they’ve picked up along the way.

Work with a Coach who is willing to do the work of creating a bespoke curriculum for you.

Learning the lessons and drawing insights are necessary but not sufficient for behavioral (and ultimately, life) change. Without committing to a minimum baseline of homework, we will be stuck in the place most of us find ourselves—highly educated and aware, able to speak endlessly about what we “should” be doing, but somehow unable to make the change.

Homework is the practice of taking real-life action.

Homework is the most challenging part (especially for those of us who didn’t do it so well while we were in “real” school), but it is made much easier by partnering with a Coach. Look at any elite athlete, executive, or leader globally, and you’ll find a coach next to them—someone fully committed to their success.

Homework is also the part without which both lessons and insights are useless. It’s the practice between sessions that matters most.

The truth is that even in the world’s best schools, we often learn concepts but don’t gain experience. That’s why so many young adults graduating from stellar universities lack the skills and confidence to “launch” into real life. The curriculum they follow may build their intellectual capacity, but it doesn’t always equip them with the skills required to prepare them for life’s requirements.

I use the word “requirements” rather than “challenges” because what life demands of us should be seen as the “baseline” requirements for successful adulthood.

Here, I’m not talking about challenges that life inevitably throws our way—things like loss, heartbreak, divorce, illness, etc. I’m talking about what is required to create a life from one day to the next—the basics!

Many of us suffer quietly, even if it doesn’t show on the outside, because we never learned those “basic” life lessons. Worse still, we believe our suffering is caused by some flaw in our character that we were born with.

In my work, I hear this fallacy hiding inside statements like:

“I don’t have willpower.” 

“I’m bad at communicating.”

“I don’t have the patience for…”

”I always get taken advantage of.”

“It’s hard for me to make decisions.”

“I’m bad at sales.”

…And the hundreds of other ways people show me they’re just one Lesson, one Insight, and a bit of Homework away from a version of themselves they never imagined possible.

You see, powerful coaching is not magic.

It’s a commitment between two people to create a new path for one of them—a path to a future that is different from the default future that awaits them if they make no change.

It’s the power of two on one.