6 Phrases That Sabotage Your Self-Worth
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What if you had indisputable evidence that your words could unquestionably shape your life?
What if, like magic, everything you uttered created your reality, both for the better and the worse?
I’m not talking about mantras and spells.
I’m talking about the everyday conversations we have with ourselves and others. Sentences we don’t give much thought to because they’ve become part of our everyday lexicon.
What if the things you say to others in order to appear humble, funny and sympathetic, are having a negative impact on your own life?
Well, they do. Words matter. Words make worlds.
I can’t prove it to you scientifically. But if you’ve chosen to be in my community and receive my insights, you’ve likely reached a point in your life where you realize that life's “truths” are not limited to scientific data.
There are truths and principles that only become evident to us in hindsight through the recognition of patterns we’ve seen over and over again.
Today and now, I put it to you that every single word that comes out of your mouth is taking you either towards strength or away from strength.
You get to choose.
But remember, when the impact of your words show up in concrete ways in your life, you have no one to blame or take credit for it but yourself.
This practice is one of the most integral building blocks of taking Radical Responsibility.
One challenge of taking radical responsibility for our speech is that most of the time we don’t realize what we are saying is moving us away from strength.
Here are 6 of the most common ways we use words to make our worlds smaller and ourselves less capable and one formidable way to access our most powerful selves:
1. Peppering the word, “just” throughout our speech.
“I just wanted to say…” or “It was just a small gesture…” or “I’m just here to…” immediately downplays our message and our worth.
Catch yourself using this word in your day-to-day speech and question your why. More often than not, you’ll discover that it does not serve any purpose other than actually undermining your point.
2. Starting a sentence or sharing an insight with, “For what it’s worth…”.
You're already implying your contribution may not be worthy. Enough said.
I know this can be challenging because many of us use complaining as a means to connect with others. It is often our way of saying… “Me too!” It almost seems arrogant and unsympathetic to not do it.
However, this is completely untrue. Complaining only perpetuates the status quo — the thing we’re complaining about.
4. Telling and retelling stories our mind has fabricated.
It’s normal for the mind to create stories because it thinks that by doing so, it’s keeping us prepared for every possible scenario (also known as worrying). The truth is that most of those stories are simply untrue.
When we legitimize fictional stories by lending them our words, over time, we create a web of lies and misunderstandings so complex that it’s almost impossible to find our way out of it.
5. Disrespecting ourselves.
How often have you said, “I’m so stupid /naive/weak/dull/clumsy/uncreative etc.” either to yourself or about yourself to others? Please stop it.
Saying such things does not inspire you to take positive action. It only reinforces the negative belief and diminishes your abilities to do better — the next time.
6. Judging our capacity.
This is the sibling of disrespecting ourselves and it sounds like, “I’ll never be able to do it.” or “I never follow through.” or “I always lose.”
Our past attempts are not a clear indication of our future capacity. But when we utter these sentences, they literally become a “sentence”, a punishment we are assigning to ourselves for a crime (we have not committed).
Unleash the power of “I am…”.
To begin a sentence with “I am” is to declare a truth to the universe that cannot be denied.
Do not take this lightly and watch carefully what you place after.
Use your “I am” phrases to build your identity and your life. What comes after these two simple words, when repeated regularly, will become your reality.
I have given you 6 tricky habits to disown and one powerful habit to cultivate.
Simple but not easy.
Life-changing, but won’t happen overnight.
Start today and one year from now you will thank yourself.