President Kennedy borrowed a phrase from Irish writer Frank O'Connor about throwing your hat over a wall—leaving yourself choiceless in doing whatever it took to mount it. This powerful story about commitment has guided nations and individuals alike to pursue audacious goals. The question becomes: What life goal are you willing to toss your hat over?

Most people can't wait to share support. But if you're rushing in to fix, rescue, please, or preach, you're thinking more about yourself than the person seeking help. The No Frapping agreement—which stands for no Fixing, Rescuing, Apologizing, Pleasing, or Preaching—is counterintuitive and uncomfortable. But it's what actually allows you to be useful and helpful. Before you speak to someone in vulnerability, ask: Am I trying to fix this? Or truly serve this person?

Years ago, one of the first principles I learned from my coach, Steve Chandler, was to transform expectations into agreements. This practice shifted my life from disappointments and resentments to one of ease and lightness. Strong words, I know. But true. Most of us, without realizing it, live inside expectations most of the time.

When did the word "change" become a negative thing? So many of us fight, resist, and are averse to change in ourselves and others. The most effective tool to achieve robust relationships is skillful communication. But fear of communicating is more difficult to get past than learning the skill itself. Top of the list: fear of being told we've changed. It seems illogical to expect everything about our personalities and relationships to stay the same over time.

Professional life coaching is an interesting career with low barriers to entry, but higher barriers to success than most fields. While some uncertified coaches thrive, many with years of schooling and certification don't earn a comfortable living. The key difference? Being transformative and creating measurable, life-changing results for clients.

One of the main reasons people seek a Professional Life Coach is to become better at time management. It seems like an unconquerable Hydra. But tools are the low hanging fruit of this work. My clients are sick of hearing me talk about turning pro with their calendar because they've already come to understand the fundamental truth: time management is emotional management. We all have the same number of hours in a day.

Tradeoffs are something we are forever at odds with. They are as much a fact of life as gravity, yet we seem unable to come to terms with them. For most of us, the word carries a negative connotation, living in the same unwelcome neighborhood as sacrifice, compromise, and other things that, at best, are tolerated but never welcomed.

The chance to live a second life is nothing less than a privilege. I don't mean a second chapter, I mean, the opportunity to live a life that feels brand new. At 56, I have already started climbing what David Brooks calls our "Second Mountain." It's an entirely different effort with views that can be spectacular, only if we don't compare it to the First Mountain.

Even if a coach has a niche, every client is still unique. They may benefit from similar lessons, but each requires a tool made just for them. That tool often arises from the coach’s own gifts and passions. Mine is “Mothering”—a thread running through my coaching, whether I’m guiding a young woman into adulthood or a man in his sixties toward growth.

I'm often asked how I became an ultrarunner, and the short answer is, "One step at a time." The deeper answer has something to do with loss and humility. I was a runner for years, applying my "hard-charging and no prisoners" mindset to everything. Until my body crashed. Loss and humility don't always go hand-in-hand, but they did for me. When we make the shift from being an accidental anything to a deliberate something, our growth is often exponential.

Our life is the sum of our choices. Decisions decide direction. But most people don't realize there are at least three distinct ways intelligent, educated, and caring people make decisions: Hummingbirds use mental models and psychology. Hawks decide based on what's morally right. Flamingoes consider what others think. Your default isn't the only way. Understanding these three mindsets is the key to making better decisions and developing deeper compassion for why others decide differently.

Every effort we make at communicating stems from one of two mindsets: we are either aiming for connection or for control. Communicating from control is always a bad idea. While you might win the battle, you will surely lose the war—the battle being the subject of discussion, and war being the trust and connection in the relationship. Learn the 7 ways to identify if you're aiming for connection, and transform your communication forever.

For most of my adult life, I’ve worshipped at the altar of Optimization. My motto has always been “Faster and Better”—the question being, “How can I optimize this moment to reach my goal sooner?” If you follow my work, you’re likely a growth-minded learner aware of mortality who wants every moment to count.

When I dreamed about becoming a Professional Coach at mid-life, I assumed I'd have to start at zero. Three decades in luxury retail seemed irrelevant—an obstacle, even. All my focus was on who I needed to become, what I needed to learn, which coaching school to attend. I couldn't have been more mistaken. A decade later, I know for sure: nobody cared about my certifications. They only cared about two questions: "Can I trust you?" and "Can you help me?" Those superpowers were already mine.

We confuse joy with happiness. But they're completely different. Happiness is a state of being that takes work, commitment, and time. Joy is an emotion created in any given moment through action. Joy can be created right now by checking your Joy List and taking action on one thing that immediately makes you feel good. Barefoot beach walks. Morning coffee ceremonies. Swimming in Lake Tahoe. Holding hands. Laughter at inappropriate times. What's on your Joy List?

We must have a clear understanding of black and white before we can understand what creates the color gray. Our mind must grasp the difference between two concepts—concepts that can easily be confused—before it can form its own nuanced understanding. Use this formula to teach yourself, your children, and your teams, and you'll see how effective it is.

It's not unusual for me to start a coaching session by asking, "What would make this conversation extraordinary for you?" That's because coaching is all about going from good to great—ordinary to extraordinary. But ironically, my greatest hope and wish for my clients, loved ones, and myself is to be consistently blessed with the ordinary.

What are the one or two questions you are asked most often? These questions reveal your priorities and values. In my life, two come up repeatedly: “What’s Life Coaching?” and “Why do you do Ultramarathon races?” Both illuminate how I cultivate confidence, face challenges, and expand my ability to do hard things.

Let me start by sharing a truth about parenting I’ve come to believe in wholeheartedly: “You can’t get it right.” Humility is the destination, and parenting is the most direct path to get there. Even when you think you’ve mastered one child, another will remind you how little you know, offering lessons in patience, perspective, and love.