Become a Stripper
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When I was a newbie Coach, fresh out of school—three of them actually—I was certain great coaching was all about helping my clients develop productive skills and habits.
Soon after, I realized that all the skill and habit-building in the world doesn’t make a real difference if we don’t address the limiting—and often harmful—mindsets that hold people back from reaching their goals.
And soon after that, I realized that even skills, habits, and excellent mindsets don’t change anything in real life if I don’t help folks build new identities—literally become the kind of person who, for example, speaks courageously, or creates a non-profit, or steps into their power as a CEO, or advocates for themselves to get a job or promotion (a common issue with young adults).
Now, after over a decade of coaching professionally, I’ve come to realize that although all of those elements—learning new skills, developing productive habits, embracing an empowering mindset, and forming a new identity—are essential, they’re only parts of a larger picture of what a great Coach must do for her clients.
Richard Bach, the author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull—one of my all-time favorite books—once said, “You teach best what you need to learn.” And it’s true that for so much of my life, I needed to learn skills that had eluded me, like communicating effectively or processing my emotions in a healthy way.
I also needed to develop essential habits like showing up when I said I would, or eating the frog (check out what that means here).
Photo: Sketchplanations
And I needed to unlearn some deeply harmful mindsets I had developed around money, my body image, and more.
Much of this growth happened over decades of self-development work and, ultimately, through working with one of the greatest life coaches of our time, Steve Chandler.
By the time I officially launched my coaching practice, I felt confident in my ability to coach clients around habits, skills, and mindset shifts. And I was well on my way to creating a new identity for myself—both internally (“I am a person who means what she says and does what she promises”) and externally (“I am a Professional Coach and this is my job, not a hobby”)—and therefore I became adept at coaching others around their evolving identities.
But what I've learned from staying connected with clients long after our coaching ends is this: the transformation that lasts (for a lifetime, not just six months) isn't only about what we build together during our coaching, it's even more about what was already there, waiting to be revealed.
You see, most great coaches—after or even during the first "getting to know you” conversation with a potential client—can recognize the unique gifts within that person. I know I certainly can. In the very first conversation, I see their gifts, strengths, and capabilities as clear as day.
I SEE them!
But they don’t see themselves.
And that’s why a great coach must help her clients pull back the curtain and reveal what is already there. Yes, building and creating are still part of the work, but in the hierarchy of importance, they fall below removing, stripping, and peeling away the layers.
This has been a significant learning experience for me as a Coach. Imagine realizing that the most powerful lever for success in your work is something totally different than what you always thought it was!
I’m thinking about my client, Sharon, who is a genius at loving deeply, but she doesn’t know it because her belief that she’s unlovable is covering her genius. So we peel that belief away and honestly—it’s magic! Underneath is the authentic Sharon that doesn’t even need to learn new skills or habits; she naturally loves deeply and with ease.
I’m thinking of my client Liz, who—far from lazy or confused—is a powerhouse who can be like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible when she puts her mind to something meaningful to her. But her energy lies dormant, and she feels stuck under the fear of what others will think of her. So she tells herself that she is not capable. I know otherwise, and once we peel that fear away, she doesn’t need the latest fancy productivity tool or planner. She can’t hold herself back if she tried.
I’m thinking of Gabe, who has a beautiful, fulfilling, meaningful life as it is—a life he doesn’t need to change or add anything to. But he can’t see it because there’s a voice inside him (like a rent-control tenant he can’t evict) that says he has to keep proving himself and has to earn his worth. So when we remove this layer of false belief clouding the surface of his life, suddenly—even though nothing has changed (same marriage, kids, job, etc.)—everything is different.
If this message resonates, maybe it's because you need to do some "stripping" of your own.
What if you don't need to build more, achieve more, become more?
What if everything you need is already there—just buried under years of fear and false beliefs you've gathered like moss on a plant that’s been in the shade too long?
The question isn't "What do I need to create?"
The question is: "What needs to be revealed?"