It Used to Be Called “Leadership”

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There are a million kinds of Coaches in the world. And that’s as it should be.

Whereas there’s only one way to operate on a heart successfully, and only one way to build a structure with architectural integrity, there are endless ways to support others to lead more fulfilling lives.

That’s why I laugh when I hear people say, “Oh, everyone’s a Coach now,” or “What’s your coaching system?”

Yes, there are many more Coaches today than a decade ago. But if you’re any good in this field, it’s because you are coaching with experience, skills, and gifts that are uniquely yours.

There are many coaching formulas, but each one is ultimately only one tool in a capable coach’s toolbox.

Even if a coach “specializes” or has a niche, each client within that demographic is still a completely different person. They might benefit from some of the same learnings as others with similar challenges, but they will always need a special tool created just for them.

That special tool is often created from the Coach’s unique gifts and passions.

Mine is “Mothering.”

I didn’t plan or pick Mothering as my chosen talent and framework. Still, I know for sure that it’s the thread that runs through my flavor of coaching—whether I’m working with a 20-year-old young woman stepping into adulthood, or a sixty-year-old man looking to uncover new heights of personal and spiritual growth.

In my mind, Mothering is another word for powerful female leadership.

For most of history, this work wasn’t called Coaching—it was called leadership. But not just any kind of leadership. It was the kind rooted in deep presence, intimate connections, productive communication, fierce support, and unconditional love.

In other words, profoundly female qualities.

I’m aware I’m attributing big words and feelings to a “job”. But coaching isn’t just any job—and if you enter it with that belief, well, good luck to you.

But do all female leaders embody the qualities I mentioned? Sadly no.And it behooves us to distinguish between the two kinds of female leaders—because only one of them is who we truly want as a Coach.

I call them the Claudias and the Lauras.

Claudia will mentor, coach, and lead others—hoping that they, especially the women under her leadership, achieve more than she did at their age and time in life.

She wants to use her own experiences, especially her hard-earned lessons, to make the other person’s learning curve more gentle.

She gives meaning to her own past mistakes by helping others avoid them altogether. Her knowledge turns into wisdom as she uses it to help others succeed with greater ease.

Laura also wants others to succeed—but only if they pay their dues exactly as she was forced to.

Her leadership is tainted by how she views herself in the context of others’ success, rather than by service and commitment to her mentee, employee or follower’s growth.

She wants her female followers to succeed, but only if they stay a step or two behind where she was at their age.

Ironically, Laura is a better boss when leading male underlings because they don’t trigger her competitive side; instead, they bring out her mothering and nurturing instincts.

The Lauras of this world are the female leaders who make women prefer a male boss.

All of us—male and female—want to be mothered and nurtured (appropriately, not overly).

Whether we get a Claudia or a Laura as a first or second boss can make a significant difference in the beliefs we carry—often for the rest of our lives.

I hope and pray that the number of Claudias increases—and with them, every employee’s confidence in building a unique and successful path forward.

May mothering become an oft-used verb, signifying a way of moving through the world rather than a static state tied to having (or not having) children.

May mothering stand for a set of behaviors that exceed the female body and can be exhibited by leaders of all genders.

May all of us have the great good fortune of being led by leaders who nurture, and not limit, the best in each of us.

Photo: D. Bana Photography