Imagine yourself on the morning of January 1st 2023. You’re holding a cup of your morning potion of choice as you sit or stand in your favorite spot. Reflecting on the last 4 months of your life, you are overcome with thoughts and feelings of deep gratitude and pride.

If you don’t already have a bias for action, my work won’t help you. But if you are or want to become an action hero, you’ll want to become obsessed with words, their meanings and ensuing distinctions. Distinctions are also what make us situationally smarter. I grew up in Los Angeles. I have one word to describe the white thing that falls from the sky—snow.

Culturally and socially, we’ve got a problem with aging. We desperately want to stay alive for as long as possible, as evidenced by the boom in all things longevity, and yet we really, really don’t want to age!

I’m often asked to explain what makes for a “great” Life Coach, as well as the reverse. So here's my list of 9 things a great coach can help her clients with and 7 things she/he can leave to other professions.

Last night, my daughter was having a tough time. She was angry at herself and stuck in a cycle of rumination over a totally innocent mistake she had made. In last week’s blog I wrote about the value of reflection and how experience without reflection does not lead to the kind of learning that sticks—that thing we call wisdom. But rumination is totally different from reflection. 

Questioning our worth is the unsolicited and unwelcome gift of adulthood. No one ever looked at a newborn and gauged their worth. Children don’t question their worth unless they experience early life trauma.

A very long time ago, Julius Caesar said, “Ut est rerum omnium magister usus” which roughly translates to—experience is the best teacher. And we’ve since repeated this “truth” a gazillion times—to ourselves, our children and anyone who is willing to listen. But is this actually “the truth” or a pithy quote we’ve made conveniently “true” to soothe the pain of negative life experiences?

I’m often asked what books I recommend to clients. The answer is easy because there are so many terrific books in the world of self growth and mastery. But it’s not simple...

“Should” is a dictator dressed as The Buddha. It presents itself as a word, thought and belief that feels right—one that appears to be useful and helpful. We think it wants the best for us. We think that telling ourselves and others that we should do, think or be something will lead to necessary and positive action. So we go through life using this word generously, throwing it around like confetti.

It’s humbling to know and publicly admit that I’ve never had an original idea, including the one I’m going to share today. It’s also liberating beyond measure. Most of us are raised to believe that unless we create something original, our offer is not valuable, or even worse, that we are plagiarizing! When wanting to start a new business, writing a book, or embarking on a new adventure, how many times have we heard…

We are not adults until we act like one. And that has nothing to do with your chronological age, how much money you make, the number of kids, or titles you have. "Turning pro" is another definition for "turning into an adult." If you're a Millennial or parent of one ready to turn pro, there's abundant good news: turning pro is a practice, not a personality change.

My client, Sebastian, thinks he’s behind on “life”. He thinks he missed the memo the rest of us received on how to live a happy life. I know better. Sebastian hasn’t fallen behind and there is no such memo. We’re all just trying to figure it out. Unless we’re not. And there are a lot of people who simply are not trying to figure it out.

“I look forward to receiving a contract.”—My clients will often say. My response is always the same and often surprising, if not downright confusing to them. “I don’t do contracts.” Deep transformational life coaching is not a transaction, but rather a commitment of two people’s time, focus, and attention in service of one person’s goals, vision, and desires.

Do you doubt yourself? Do you then judge yourself for having doubts? How’s that working for you? (You can let me know the answer to this question after! … so read on). I know for sure that it’s not working for you because it sure as hell has never worked for me or any of my clients!

So, you want to change a habit? If I was allowed only one coaching tool in my professional coaching toolbox and I mean …I literally could only use one and no other tool or system—I know which one I would keep. And now you’ll know it too. I would keep the tool and practice I call “The GIGA”—short for “Garbage in, garbage out”!

Most of us go through our days and ultimately our lives habitually apologizing. If you don’t think this applies to you, try the following experiment for a day or a week. Become aware and take note of how often you apologize transactionally and for social reasons.

I’m an expert in helping emerging adults integrate their emotions, core values and actions in service of their life goals. Teaching them how to think is the skill and mindset shift that leads to the transformation they (and their parents) desire. They don’t need me (or you) to tell them what to think because they have inherited a world so wildly different from ours that we’d be at best, deluded, and at worst, harmful if we force them to follow our advice.

My niece, Hannah, just released an album of her heartfelt and deeply vulnerable (and in my opinion, brilliant) work. To put one’s work and self out there in the world takes courage at any age, but at 17, it takes something more. Hannah was walking through fear, not because she was comfortable with opening her heart, soul and talent for the world to experience, but because she was ready.

I come from a family of high achievers. My work as a Life and Leadership Coach has me in constant conversation with leaders who would proudly carry this label. But in pushing the borders of exploring what it means to live a happy life, it has become clear to me that being a high achiever is no longer a badge of honor or a marker of life satisfaction.

Science shows that when we look at our neighbor’s grass, it actually does look greener! But that’s simply a visual anomaly that’s hardwired in us. Even nature wants to make it harder for us to do our own work! But don’t give up. From where I stand, marriage, when we do the work, is worth it.