"You're killing my soul!", I whined to my Coach, more than once. You'd think he was asking me to take action that put my life at risk. What he was asking me to do—repeatedly, and time after time—was to block time in my calendar for all the things that matter to me, and then honor my calendar. It seems like an easy enough request and really, what was at risk?

What's the state of your Life Buckets? When was the last time you checked to see how empty or full each one is? One of the first exercises I introduce my clients to, is the process defining your 3-4 Life Buckets. Once we identify our Core Life Values (a separate exercise), we can then decide on the areas of our life that are of priority.

Last week, I explained how thoughts come and go, as often as they please, and although I shared steps for managing our thoughts, I want to be clear about the difference between thoughts and feelings. I don’t know where thoughts come from, and although many years of therapy felt helpful in the moment, they didn’t help me become the Master of Positive Thoughts I was striving for.

With due respect and understanding for the challenges of this moment, I'd like to share some of the learnings my clients are gaining and sharing with me during our coaching conversations. The quotes are directly from them and and as always, I hope these insights will serve and inspire you to live life with just a little more joy and ease.

I come from a family of high achievers. My work as a Life and Leadership Coach has me in constant conversation with leaders who would proudly carry this label. But in pushing the borders of exploring what it means to live a happy life, it has become clear to me that being a high achiever is no longer a badge of honor or a marker of life satisfaction.

I used to be really angry. I thought it was my personality because, well, I come from a long line of angry people. I can feel them getting angry as they read these words. But I soothe myself with the belief that most members of my beloved family don’t actually read much of what I write. And now I’m getting a little angry!

Trying to be relentlessly positive is exhausting and often useless. I work with ambitious, deep-thinking people who spent a lifetime 'being positive' and it hasn't brought them closer to clarity or purposeful action. It's shaped them into nice, agreeable members of society, but left them asking, 'Is this all there is?' When gratitude becomes a weapon and reframing becomes a prison, it's time to shift from positivity to possibility.

What does it mean, 'to belong'? This is a question that comes up so often in my work with young adults, and I only wish I could help them understand and actually believe that the rest of us 'adults' also struggle with this feeling. Although intellectually most of us realize we are unique, we continue to search for our special tribes and communities.

"Wait, I'm confused….." How often have you started a difficult conversation by feigning confusion? It was certainly my default response when I was actually angry and hurt but didn't have the language to express myself. When we regularly replace unwelcome feelings by feigning confusion, we slowly turn into an emotional version of the boy who cried wolf.

If you're not yet familiar with the concept of Quarter Life Crisis, you're not alone. It's also likely that you are not a Millennial. As a Professional Transition Coach, a number of my clients are emerging adults between the ages of 18 and 25, facing very real challenges as they transition to independence and build their careers.

"I have no advice for you," is my most often repeated reply to those who ask. But isn't that what a Professional Life Coach is supposed to do? What do we get in return for our investment of time and energy working with a Coach, if not advice?

I'm going to share a secret with you. Great Life Coaching is not about helping clients reach their goals. Setting goals and striving towards them is what I call the "chocolate-covered broccoli" of this work. Of course, we get clarity on our goals and strive towards them. More often than not, when working with a capable Professional Coach, we achieve our declared goals.

Last week's blog included one tiny sentence that invited an inordinate number of questions. Learning the art of the Gracious "No" was #3 on my list of 6 practices. Oprah readily admits she did not learn how to say no until she was 40 years old, and learning to do so transformed her life. So many of us equate the word "no" with being rude, unkind, and selfish. Good people say yes—or so we've been told.

The work of Professional Coaching is all about facilitating long-term sustainable shifts—which is entirely different than tricks, hacks and shortcuts. So many of us wrongly assume habits cultivated for decades can be undone in weeks or even in one moment. We consume endless books, articles and podcasts searching for the one guru who can give us the answer that will change our life around. We confuse information with transformation.

"Courage" is a word I think about often because it's a word I hear several times a day in my coaching conversations. I certainly thought courage meant bravery and held back from taking even the smallest step toward change. But do outward bravery and fearlessness equal courage? My clients are, without exception, the most courageous people I know. Every single day, they show up and do something wildly courageous—something against every historical tendency.

One of the most cherished 90 minutes of my week is when I get together with my group of soulful, bright, and growth—minded clients who are all under 40. They are still climbing their First Mountain, and I know for certain that there is a way for them to experience life with more ease, serenity, and skill than most of us do in our first half of life. Most humans want the feeling of belonging to a pack, while at the same time expressing their own uniqueness. We confuse being unique with having to reinvent the wheel.

Perfect is a moving target, that's if it's even a thing. We pepper our everyday conversations with the word "perfect". Most of us were raised to be perfectionists. But according to Brene Brown, perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life-paralysis. One of the biggest problems is many of us believe perfectionism is the primary reason we've achieved success. In truth, real success is built on a foundation of time, attention, and deliberate practice.

One of my favorite coaches says, "We are in the PR business—permission and reminders!" But there's another side to this coin. Micro-shaming is a statement or response from a seemingly trusted source that leaves the receiver with a feeling of confusion and shame. It disguises itself in so many different ways—like curiosity, care, helpfulness, and sarcasm—that the only defense we have against it is absolute diligence and total commitment.

Life Coaching continues to be mystifying to most. Folks don't understand the difference between Coaching and therapy, and because it's a fast-growing field with a low barrier to entry, there's an understandable measure of skepticism. One of my larger life goals is to bring legitimacy to the field of Life Coaching and contribute to the public understanding of this profession as being valid, valuable, and just as necessary as any other profession.