"Mom, do you think you might have an eating disorder?" one of my children asked with more than a little hesitation. My immediate reaction was confusion, anger and defensiveness. I have a complicated relationship with diagnoses. I welcome information but not the sense of being defined and limited that can accompany one.

What does it mean, 'to belong'? This is a question that comes up so often in my work with young adults, and I only wish I could help them understand and actually believe that the rest of us 'adults' also struggle with this feeling. Although intellectually most of us realize we are unique, we continue to search for our special tribes and communities.

If you're not yet familiar with the concept of Quarter Life Crisis, you're not alone. It's also likely that you are not a Millennial. As a Professional Transition Coach, a number of my clients are emerging adults between the ages of 18 and 25, facing very real challenges as they transition to independence and build their careers.

"I have no advice for you," is my most often repeated reply to those who ask. But isn't that what a Professional Life Coach is supposed to do? What do we get in return for our investment of time and energy working with a Coach, if not advice?

I'm going to share a secret with you. Great Life Coaching is not about helping clients reach their goals. Setting goals and striving towards them is what I call the "chocolate-covered broccoli" of this work. Of course, we get clarity on our goals and strive towards them. More often than not, when working with a capable Professional Coach, we achieve our declared goals.

Last week's blog included one tiny sentence that invited an inordinate number of questions. Learning the art of the Gracious "No" was #3 on my list of 6 practices. Oprah readily admits she did not learn how to say no until she was 40 years old, and learning to do so transformed her life. So many of us equate the word "no" with being rude, unkind, and selfish. Good people say yes—or so we've been told.

Increasingly, more people are investing their resources in service of self-growth and potential. Most of us did not learn how to cultivate our emotional well being, skillfully manage our thoughts, and gain the tools and skills essential for creating a life that is more often peaceful and purposeful rather than chaotic and volatile. A great place to start is with an assessment of our life values.

The work of Professional Coaching is all about facilitating long-term sustainable shifts—which is entirely different than tricks, hacks and shortcuts. So many of us wrongly assume habits cultivated for decades can be undone in weeks or even in one moment. We consume endless books, articles and podcasts searching for the one guru who can give us the answer that will change our life around. We confuse information with transformation.

"Courage" is a word I think about often because it's a word I hear several times a day in my coaching conversations. I certainly thought courage meant bravery and held back from taking even the smallest step toward change. But do outward bravery and fearlessness equal courage? My clients are, without exception, the most courageous people I know. Every single day, they show up and do something wildly courageous—something against every historical tendency.

A great Coach isn't smarter, more knowledgeable, or necessarily even more experienced than her greatest client. She's in charge of the coaching process, not in control of the outcome. This is the distinction that is life—changing if understood and practiced regularly—the difference between being in control and being in charge. So many of us live with constant stress and anxiety because we are trying to control every element of our days.

One of the most cherished 90 minutes of my week is when I get together with my group of soulful, bright, and growth—minded clients who are all under 40. They are still climbing their First Mountain, and I know for certain that there is a way for them to experience life with more ease, serenity, and skill than most of us do in our first half of life. Most humans want the feeling of belonging to a pack, while at the same time expressing their own uniqueness. We confuse being unique with having to reinvent the wheel.

Tomorrow, hundreds will begin a 100-mile journey on foot, testing mind, body, and soul. Though I haven’t completed this race, my ultrarunning family has shown me courage, unconditional support, and the privilege of living fully—feeling alive, connected, and loved through shared adventure and values.

One of my favorite coaches says, "We are in the PR business—permission and reminders!" But there's another side to this coin. Micro-shaming is a statement or response from a seemingly trusted source that leaves the receiver with a feeling of confusion and shame. It disguises itself in so many different ways—like curiosity, care, helpfulness, and sarcasm—that the only defense we have against it is absolute diligence and total commitment.

Perfect is a moving target, that's if it's even a thing. We pepper our everyday conversations with the word "perfect". Most of us were raised to be perfectionists. But according to Brene Brown, perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life-paralysis. One of the biggest problems is many of us believe perfectionism is the primary reason we've achieved success. In truth, real success is built on a foundation of time, attention, and deliberate practice.

How often have you heard, "Life is short"? Here's the thing. If we don't meet an untimely death, if we are fortunate enough to be given a life past our 80's, then life is actually pretty long. Playing the long game is smart, but it is also the only game we should be playing. Life is a game meant to be a long one. And like any other game, a good life has rules that support our ability to play well.

One of the main reasons people seek a Professional Life Coach is to become better at time management. It seems like an unconquerable Hydra. But tools are the low hanging fruit of this work. My clients are sick of hearing me talk about turning pro with their calendar because they've already come to understand the fundamental truth: time management is emotional management. We all have the same number of hours in a day.

When did the word "change" become a negative thing? So many of us fight, resist, and are averse to change in ourselves and others. The most effective tool to achieve robust relationships is skillful communication. But fear of communicating is more difficult to get past than learning the skill itself. Top of the list: fear of being told we've changed. It seems illogical to expect everything about our personalities and relationships to stay the same over time.

One of the main goals that bring people to life coaching is the desire to “find balance” in their lives. Spoiler alert! As far as I have come to believe and understand, there is no such thing as living a balanced life, unless you are a robot or living a very boring life.

The chance to live a second life is nothing less than a privilege. I don't mean a second chapter, I mean, the opportunity to live a life that feels brand new. At 56, I have already started climbing what David Brooks calls our "Second Mountain." It's an entirely different effort with views that can be spectacular, only if we don't compare it to the First Mountain.

I'm often asked how I became an ultrarunner, and the short answer is, "One step at a time." The deeper answer has something to do with loss and humility. I was a runner for years, applying my "hard-charging and no prisoners" mindset to everything. Until my body crashed. Loss and humility don't always go hand-in-hand, but they did for me. When we make the shift from being an accidental anything to a deliberate something, our growth is often exponential.