"I have no advice for you," is my most often repeated reply to those who ask. But isn't that what a Professional Life Coach is supposed to do? What do we get in return for our investment of time and energy working with a Coach, if not advice?

I'm going to share a secret with you. Great Life Coaching is not about helping clients reach their goals. Setting goals and striving towards them is what I call the "chocolate-covered broccoli" of this work. Of course, we get clarity on our goals and strive towards them. More often than not, when working with a capable Professional Coach, we achieve our declared goals.

Don't look away. She could have been your child or mine. Parenting is nothing but one long-held breath. We inhale as we witness our heart detach from our chest and begin its journey in a world outside of us. A world outside of our protection and control. And we hold our breath till the day we die. But what happens if that heart, that phantom limb, is taken away before we are?

Last week's blog included one tiny sentence that invited an inordinate number of questions. Learning the art of the Gracious "No" was #3 on my list of 6 practices. Oprah readily admits she did not learn how to say no until she was 40 years old, and learning to do so transformed her life. So many of us equate the word "no" with being rude, unkind, and selfish. Good people say yes—or so we've been told.

The work of Professional Coaching is all about facilitating long-term sustainable shifts—which is entirely different than tricks, hacks and shortcuts. So many of us wrongly assume habits cultivated for decades can be undone in weeks or even in one moment. We consume endless books, articles and podcasts searching for the one guru who can give us the answer that will change our life around. We confuse information with transformation.

"Courage" is a word I think about often because it's a word I hear several times a day in my coaching conversations. I certainly thought courage meant bravery and held back from taking even the smallest step toward change. But do outward bravery and fearlessness equal courage? My clients are, without exception, the most courageous people I know. Every single day, they show up and do something wildly courageous—something against every historical tendency.

One of the most cherished 90 minutes of my week is when I get together with my group of soulful, bright, and growth—minded clients who are all under 40. They are still climbing their First Mountain, and I know for certain that there is a way for them to experience life with more ease, serenity, and skill than most of us do in our first half of life. Most humans want the feeling of belonging to a pack, while at the same time expressing their own uniqueness. We confuse being unique with having to reinvent the wheel.

Perfect is a moving target, that's if it's even a thing. We pepper our everyday conversations with the word "perfect". Most of us were raised to be perfectionists. But according to Brene Brown, perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life-paralysis. One of the biggest problems is many of us believe perfectionism is the primary reason we've achieved success. In truth, real success is built on a foundation of time, attention, and deliberate practice.

One of my favorite coaches says, "We are in the PR business—permission and reminders!" But there's another side to this coin. Micro-shaming is a statement or response from a seemingly trusted source that leaves the receiver with a feeling of confusion and shame. It disguises itself in so many different ways—like curiosity, care, helpfulness, and sarcasm—that the only defense we have against it is absolute diligence and total commitment.

Life Coaching continues to be mystifying to most. Folks don't understand the difference between Coaching and therapy, and because it's a fast-growing field with a low barrier to entry, there's an understandable measure of skepticism. One of my larger life goals is to bring legitimacy to the field of Life Coaching and contribute to the public understanding of this profession as being valid, valuable, and just as necessary as any other profession.

Increasingly, more people are investing their resources in service of self-growth and potential. Most of us did not learn how to cultivate our emotional well being, skillfully manage our thoughts, and gain the tools and skills essential for creating a life that is more often peaceful and purposeful rather than chaotic and volatile. A great place to start is with an assessment of our life values.

Tomorrow, hundreds will begin a 100-mile journey on foot, testing mind, body, and soul. Though I haven’t completed this race, my ultrarunning family has shown me courage, unconditional support, and the privilege of living fully—feeling alive, connected, and loved through shared adventure and values.

Intimacy isn’t a trait we’re born with—it’s a practice we cultivate. Through radical acceptance, creating safety, mindful vulnerability, and nurturing connection, we can build authentic, lasting closeness in relationships, whether personal or professional.

Motivation is a fair weather friend. It feels like a superpower for a week or month, but disappears overnight when circumstances change—leaving shame and guilt behind. There's a better way. Instead of chasing motivation fueled by external circumstances, shift to inspiration. Inspiration sparks a fire inside you that belongs to no one but yourself. This is the real fuel for achieving your goals.

A strange and different kind of year is coming to an end, and oddly, most of us are experiencing the same pre-holiday stressors as we do during any other "normal" year. For a year that was seemingly "cancelled", we sure have a lot to get done, right?

Much of the work I do with my clients centers around cultivating their sense of compassion, for others and for themselves. I've found that most of us can find a level of compassion for others, but when it comes to ourselves, we can be obstinate and harsh. We expect so much of ourselves and confuse our lack of self-compassion for ambition, strength, and control. We falsely believe that the more we judge ourselves, the higher our future performance will be.

In my recent experience completing the grueling Broken Arrow 52K race, I discovered the transformative power of having a coach—someone who guides, supports, and believes in you when you can’t fully believe in yourself. This story illustrates how coaching can help us push past self-doubt, embrace challenges, and achieve what we once thought impossible.

Recently, I completed an endurance race I had quit years ago, finishing last but under the cutoff time. Despite the achievement, my inner Gremlin tried to steal my joy. I realized that external validation can’t quiet self-doubt; true change comes from creating compassionate, loving thoughts. For me, that meant recognizing: whether first, last, or in the middle, I’m still the same person—and I’m good enough.

In the work of life and career coaching, highly productive individuals often seek the latest time hacks, yet the most powerful principle I teach is surprisingly simple: slow down. Only by focusing fully on the task or person in front of us can we create maximum value. Rushing reduces effectiveness, while slowing down—through mindfulness, presence, and singular focus—enhances productivity, satisfaction, and results.

It was a privilege to have the opportunity to coach one of my peers, Rebekah Weintraub. Here’s what Rebekah writes about the experience.